Many statesmen and a lack of leadership!

I have communicated with many people both here in Canada as well as at home in Australia to try and find someone whose commitment to ending violence against women and children is more than just verbal or politically expedient. Copied below is an email I recently sent to Canadian Senator Romeo Dallaire, emailed 30th, October 2006, I am looking forward to a response.

(Some portions of this letter have been deleted for our safety and privacy.)



"Senator Romeo Dallaire,


Dear Sir,

I attended the recent .............. Lecture you presented. I was struck by your comment that we have many statesmen but a lack of leaders. What I am searching for is someone prepared to be a leader in responding to the human rights violations of abused immigrant women and their children in Canada.

There is not a single politician who would publicly say they find male violence against children and women acceptable but not a single one of the many politicians I have shared this information with and begged to speak up for my children and myself and all the other children and women in similar circumstances has done so. Many statesmen – lack of leadership!

This is a variation of human trafficking. At the moment many are calling for women that have been brought to Canada under false pretences for the purpose of sexual slavery to be allowed to stay in Canada. There are many women who were enticed to come to this country under false pretences by the men they married, who turn out to be abusive, that are desperate to leave! They came to Canada in the belief they were entering a loving, respectful relationship only to be physically, sexually, emotionally and financially abused. They came here on agreements about living in this country and being contributing citizens for a period of time and them returning to be near their own family and contribute to their own country, only to be isolated from their family and country and unable to return home. They are desperate to leave and return to the safety of their homeland – safe from the spousal and systemic abuse they experienced in Canada. Unfortunately, like me, they have discovered that it is acceptable in Canada to bring a woman into the country under false pretences and physically, emotionally, sexually and financially abuse her if you marry her first!

My experience as an immigrant has included the bizarre and traumatic experience of sharing my personal experience of abuse and personal resources to try and make a difference for all children and women experiencing abuse in your country, while at the same time the government, justice department and justice system of the province I have the misfortune to be in are using all of their resources to misrepresent information about our experience of abuse, to lie about me, lie about the abuse my children and I experienced and deny us the safety and justice we deserve and the opportunity to return to safety and family in Australia – and instead reward my abusive former spouse and grant him the court ordered right to continue to abuse and control us.

There is an awful irony about having to contact a male to beg for assistance in this situation. All the female politicians I have previously contacted for whatever reason find this situation for immigrant women so acceptable that they;
-ignore me
-refuse to speak with me,
-have their staff tell me it’s not their “jurisdiction", but I should try harder to get along with my former spouse.

It might not be their specific jurisdiction but when it is politically expedient every politician claims to be concerned about violence against children and women, every politician claims to care about immigrants. The last federal election was run on a platform of ethics and accountability, each political party vied for the claim that they alone were the upholders and enforcers of the Canadian Charter and Bill of Rights.

I just want my children and I to get to go home together while we are still alive, while my parents are still alive, for my children to experience life in a country that does not pay its justice employees to reward male violence against children and wives, to be in the country my former spouse declared was a much better place to bring up children than Canada, to be in the country he promised and we agreed we would all be living in ten years ago.

Please sir, Canada has to stop this form of entrapment and unlawful confinement of abused children and women.

It is with great sadness that I prepare to go home alone to find a way to make this situation public knowledge in Australia because Canadians won’t talk about this abuse of immigrant women and their children. Ethically I feel I have a personal responsibility to let Australian women know about the dangers of life in Canada if married to a Canadian. Somehow I need to find a way to let all potential female immigrants know about this reality. There is no pleasure in the thought that despite some of the wonderful people I have met here it is my ethical responsibility to warn other women about the reality of the Canadian lack of justice and safety for abused immigrant women.

What I would prefer is that my children and I could all be safely home for Christmas, as we should have been ten years ago. What I would prefer is that I could find someone here who would initiate and ensure the actions required to show that there is some credibility to Canada’s Charter and Bill of Rights and would speak up for all children and women in this situation.

I am desperate to find someone who will bring these unsafe and unjust situations to the government and public’s attention in a way that does not endanger any individual woman or her children, protects their privacy, and creates a safe and accessible pathway for all women to easily and quickly obtain the safety and security she and her children need and deserve.

This province's justice department, politicians, Ombudsman, Children’s Advocate and many others have received letters and extensive documentation from myself, service agencies, women’s advocacy groups and the professionals (doctor, social worker with government funded Domestic Violence Support Group, counsellor, expert on child witnesses to domestic abuse) who the justice department misrepresented, (some of these people even came to meetings I organised with justice department officials). As well the justice department and politicians have received letters from a local service agency who informed the justice department that they were currently working with five other women who had the same experience.

Not only did these experienced and concerned professionals all recommend that I should have sole custody of my children, they all expressed concern for my children’s and my safety. The justice department has known since 1998 that their Family Law Division employee misrepresented this information and instead reported that they all recommended joint custody and made no reference to any of the concerns about our safety. The justice minister received letters from these professionals and copies of these people’s reports expressing their concerns for my children’s and my safety and has never acted on this information.


The justice department fought me with all available resources until I suffered a depressive mental breakdown (from your own personal experience I believe you will understand this). I could no longer care for my children or myself. I begged both the social worker and health nurse who had know me for a while, knew of our circumstances and been involved with my efforts to have the justice department respond appropriately, to help me arrange care for my children and hospitalise me. Instead the social worker contacted the Department of Social Services to advise them that she thought I was a risk to my children. ........................– that was basically the end of our relationship as my abusive former spouse used this opportunity to persuade my young children that I didn’t care for them, didn’t want them, didn’t love them and to prevent any contact between us.

And now years later I still can’t get anyone to deal with this situation. ...... Everyone’s response is that I should just wait and hope that when they are older my children contact me – I am so afraid ... that my children won’t survive until they are older – and even if they do manage to survive themselves we will still all be trapped in a country that rewards male violence against children and women, away from the safety and support of our family in Australia, in a situation where their father is still abusive and controlling their lives and they are still exposed to an extended family and culture who believes in supporting abusive males.

The Executive Director, Policy, Planning and Evaluation, of this province's justice department, approached me at a justice department focus group in 1998, to say, “What happened to you should never have happened to anyone!”. Then they and the justice department fought me with all the resources at their disposal until they managed to create the situation that lead to my mental breakdown.

Not only did the justice department choose to misrepresent information (commit perjury/obstruct the course of justice) to denigrate me but also to denigrate my family in Australia, never mentioning how highly regarded my family is in our local community, or that my father was one of the first people to receive the “Citizen of the Year Award” for his involvement in organisations and committees that contributed to my siblings and my childhood and our community.

I have reason to believe that after I initiated complaints with the Justice Department they found alternative employment for their employee (who misrepresented information about the abuse my children and I experienced) in the provincial Ombudsman’s office. When I approached the Ombudsman for assistance theytold me they couldn’t get involved with a complaint about the justice department – but this is contradicted by information in the Ombudsman’s annual reports available online.

Everyone’s suggested solution to our traumatic experience involves me not speaking my truth about our experience, but “accepting” what has happened, accepting that my children and I are trapped in a foreign country that believes in rewarding male violence, accepting that my children and I will never be safe, accepting that my children and I will never be at home with our family in Australia. If this were happening to someone in their family would they expect them to “accept” the same circumstances? … Or would they expect justice, safety, freedom from fear and freedom from abuse for their family members?

Despite all that I have done to contribute to your country (see attached c.v.) my former spouse and the justice department have colluded to portray me as the problem. Everything I have contributed to your country has been stolen from my country. The Justice Department was committed to an outcome that would enable my former spouse to continue to emotionally and financially abuse me, continue to have me live in fear and continue to control my life. All female immigrants to Canada deserve to know that this could be their reality too!

I have done many things to try and find a solution to our and other children and women’s predicament including reading your book “Shake Hands With the Devil” to try and help me gain insights into leadership and courage in the face of adversity – the following quote resonated with me ….
“But where would I find the means to prod the world into action?” …. “And why were we so feeble, fearful and self-centred in the face of atrocities committed against the innocent?”
This is my “Rwanda”! I know it is not the same numbers of people over the same period of time but in a historical, global and cultural context there are women and children experiencing violence and genocide in the family every day! Everyone knows about it, few people are talking about it and those that have the responsibility and resources to do something are not responding …. more talk …. more reports …. more research …. no action …. unchecked violence and human rights violations ….. the innocent keep suffering!

If this is happening to English speaking, white, Commonwealth citizens like myself then what is the experience of immigrant women of colour, with language challenges, from countries they would feel unsafe to return to? Unsafe in Canada and unsafe to return to their country of origin!

Not only have I been suicidal over this situation but also now ............ and I still can’t get anyone to do anything. Many people have told me that I have done more than anyone else they know of in regards to our situation – and I’m still not able to protect my children or motivate those who could have and should have protected us and all the other children and women in similar circumstances.

I keep connecting with more women who have had similar experiences, more women whose children, forced to have contact with abusive fathers have mental health problems and are suicidal. More immigrant women who experienced abuse from their Canadian spouse and then further abuse from the Canadian justice system.

I know so much, have researched and learnt so much – things I never wanted to know about - ethically I need to find a safe way to use this information to be part of making a difference. Who will work with me so that my children and I can return home to Australia, safely, so that other immigrant children and women can be safe, Canadian children and women can be safe?

Due to the effects of these experiences on my physical and mental wellbeing it is a challenge to articulate our lived experience and the experiences mentioned here are just a small part of the trauma my children and I and I have endured.

To help you understand our situation I can forward you copies of the relevant letters, reports and emails that have been shared with the many people that I believed had the responsibility and privilege to protect all vulnerable children and women.

Any assistance would be greatly appreciated.

Sincerely, "


As I said, I am looking forward to a reply, but have not recieved one as yet.