Fremantle Declaration
ABC Headlines A-Gs demand immediate action on Hicks trial
“The ministers signed what they are calling the Fremantle Declaration, which urges judicial fairness be applied to Hicks’s case.”
I look forward to the state and territory attorneys-general signing a declaration demanding the Commonwealth take action to ensure that Australian children and women trapped in foreign countries by spousal violence and systemic abuse, have “judicial fairness” applied to their cases.
As soon as possible in the current 16 Days of Activism to Stop Violence Against Women would be an extremely appropriate time for these ministers to create this declaration. It can never be too soon for the many Australian children and women trapped overseas, many in countries that are signatories to UN conventions on human rights and whose domestic laws, if complied with, would have protected them – not punished them. Many of these Australian mothers are separated from their children, who by court order are in the custody of the abusive parent/partner.
www.abc.net.au/news/items/200611/1785856.htm?wa
To view The Fremantle Declaration: www.users.bigpond.com/burnside/FremantleDec.pdf
Take care ... take heart ... Merinda
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Violence Against Women - It's Making the UN News.
Greetings,
Copied below are some articles in recent online UNITED NATIONS NEWS SERVICE e-newsletters relating to International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women and the 16 Days of Activism to Stop Violence Against Women campaign. One of these articles celebrates the growing number of countries that have specific laws on domestic violence. And I wonder how many of those countries “shadow” or NGO reports on CEDAW (Convention on the Elimination of Discrimination Against Women) compliance show that those laws are actually being used to protect women from violence?
In another article UN High Commissioner for Human Rights Louise Arbour talks about the plight of immigrant women … “different types of exploitation often run parallel to women’s migration”. Isn’t it ironic that Louise Arbour is from Canada and I have created this online resource because I cannot get the Canadian authorities to deal appropriately with immigrant women’s experience of abuse in that country?
I look forward to when we celebrate not just new laws to protect women from violence but also overwhelming compliance with all voluntarily ratified human rights documents!
UN DAILY NEWS from theUNITED NATIONS NEWS SERVICE22 November, 2006 ======================================================================
MORE COUNTRIES HAVE LAWS BANNING DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, SAYS UN WOMEN’S RIGHTS OFFICIAL
The number of countries with laws tackling the scourge of domestic violence has surged in the last three years, with 89 States now with some sort of provisions, the head of the United Nations Development Fund for Women(UNIFEM) said today.
Speaking on the eve of the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women, which is being marked on Saturday, UNIFEM Executive Director Noeleen Heyzer told reporters in New York that there were welcome signs of progress around the world.
In 2003 only 45 countries had specific laws on domestic violence, she said, but that number has now increased to 60, and in total there are 89 nations with some form of legislative provisions that deal with domestic violence.
Funding for initiatives is also on the rise, with the UN Trust Fund to End Violence against Women – which is disbursed by UNIFEM – set to hand out nearly $4 million this year, almost twice the amount of last year. Noting that many countries still had a long way to go, Ms. Heyzer said the key challenge is to help nations ensure that the laws and measures theyhave introduced are fully implemented, enforced and monitored, especiallyat the local level. She also said the rise in both anti-violence laws and Trust Fund grants is no coincidence – many grants in recent years have gone to campaigns that push for legislation on violence against women.
* * *
UN DAILY NEWS from theUNITED NATIONS NEWS SERVICE 24 November, 2006 =======================================================================
UN JOINS IN 16-DAY CAMPAIGN TO FIGHT VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN
From bride burning and sexual violence as a weapon of war to genital mutilation, date rape and child marriage, gender-based violence will be the focus of a United Nations-backed 16-day-long campaign being launched tomorrow.
“We are working with partners to end impunity, to promote and protect the rights of women, including the right to sexual and reproductive health, and to foster equal opportunity, participation and decision-making,” UNPopulation Fund (UNFPA) Executive Director Thoraya Ahmed Obaid said in a message ahead of tomorrow’s International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women.
The Day marks the first of the 16 Days of Activism to End Violence against Women in which UNFPA is joining with rights organizations worldwide to bring greater attention to this pervasive and deeply entrenched human rights violation, proposing a range of steps from greater overall publicityand an ending to silence over spousal abuse to pushing for legislative reform and providing safe havens for girls escaping coerced marriages.
To kick off the event UNFPA is highlighting five under-reported stories relating to gender-based violence for 2006: Bride-napping: the abduction, rape and forced marriage of young women throughout Central Asia;Breast-ironing: a traditional practice in some West African countries involving crushing the breasts of young girls in order to deter male attention; The epidemic of traumatic fistula in Africa: this is often caused by gangrape and forced insertion of foreign objects into the rape victim, tearing the tissues between the birth canal from the bowel and/or the bladder and leading to incontinence and ostracization; Ongoing femicide in Guatemala: unlike in Ciudad Juarez in Mexico, the wholesale murder and mutilation of Guatemala’s women continues under a cloak of media silence and official neglect.Child marriage: the forced marriage of girl children, mostly against their will to older men in the world’s poorest nations mean girls cannot complete their education and are at greater risk of being exploited and contracting sexual infections, including HIV.
More common examples of gender violence cited by UNFPA include:At least 130 million women have been forced to undergo female genital mutilation with 2 million more at risk each year; Killings in the name of 'honour' take the lives of thousands of young women annually in Western Asia, North Africa and parts of South Asia;At least 60 million girls who would otherwise be expected to live are'missing' due to sex-selective abortions or neglect.
UN High Commissioner for Human Rights Louise Arbour drew attention to the plight of women migrants. “Unfortunately, human rights violations in various forms such as trafficking in women or different types ofexploitation often run parallel to women’s migration,” she said in a message for the International Day.“Local and supposedly ‘traditional’ forms of violence against women, such as female genital mutilation or forced marriages, globalize as well, moving along with their potential victims.
These human rights violations are not inevitable consequences of women’s migration.“They can be curbed if states are truly committed to protecting migrant women against violence, trafficking and exploitation, without denying them the option to migrate legally, if they choose to,” she added in the statement in which she was joined by the Special Rapporteur of the UN Human Rights Council on Violence against Women, its Causes and Consequences,Yakin Ertürk and the Council’s Special Rapporteur on the Human Rights of Migrants, Jorge Bustamante.
* * *
UN DAILY NEWS from theUNITED NATIONS NEWS SERVICE 27 November, 2006 =======================================================================
CULTURE OF NEGLECT, DENIAL ABOUT VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN IS ‘MASSIVE’ – TOP UN OFFICIAL
There is a “massive” culture of neglect and denial about violence against women, and refugee populations are in the front line of the scourge, according to the top United Nations refugee official.
“That culture of neglect and denial exists everywhere,” UN High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHCR) António Guterres said at the weekend launch of the annual 16 Days of Activism to Eliminate Violence AgainstWomen.
“I think we need to face this,” he added, stressing that sexual and gender-based violence against women is a global problem.
Citing a report he had read earlier this year showing that a high percentage of girls in Geneva high schools suffered sexually motivated violence, he said that if the problem was bad in an advanced country like Switzerland, it would be much worse in societies with huge social problems and difficulties.
“Refugee populations are in the front line of those difficulties,” he told staff in Geneva in launching UNHCR’s participation in the 16 Days, in which several UN agencies are teaming up with rights organizations worldwide to bring greater attention to this pervasive and deeply entrenched human rights violation.
“The key question, at the level of the UN system, at the level of an organization, at the level of the refugee camp, is the empowerment of women, and that must be one of the central objectives of a modern, democratic system and a tolerant society,” Mr. Guterres said, calling formore equality between men and women.
UNHCR offices around the world are participating in the 16 Days with activities and awareness-raising programmes. In Liberia, where violence against women is a major problem, UNHCR is joining in nationwide campaigns and workshops to inform women about their rights and to encourage men tochange their ways.
The agency is also involved in television campaigns to publicize the campaign in places like Croatia and Argentina.
The UN Population Fund (UNFPA) has cited a whole raft of issues to be faced in gender-based violence, from bride burning and sexual violence as a weapon of war, to genital mutilation and breast ironing, to date rape and child marriage, and has proposed a range of steps from greater overall publicity and an end to silence over spousal abuse, to pushing for legislative reform and providing safe havens for girls escaping coerced marriages.
* * *
You can sign up for the UN Daily News e-newsletter at: http://www.un.org/apps/news/email/
For information on CEDAW Convention on the Elimination of Discrimination Against Women:
www.ohchr.org/english/bodies/cedaw/index.htm
For information on DEVAW Declaration on the Elimination of Violence Against Women: www.ohchr.org/english/law/eliminationvaw.htm
For information on the UN Special Rapporteur on Violence Against Women, including annual reports: www.ohchr.org/english/issues/women/rapporteur/
UN Division for the Advancement of Women including country compliance reporting:
www.un.org/womenwatch/daw/cedaw/
Copied below are some articles in recent online UNITED NATIONS NEWS SERVICE e-newsletters relating to International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women and the 16 Days of Activism to Stop Violence Against Women campaign. One of these articles celebrates the growing number of countries that have specific laws on domestic violence. And I wonder how many of those countries “shadow” or NGO reports on CEDAW (Convention on the Elimination of Discrimination Against Women) compliance show that those laws are actually being used to protect women from violence?
In another article UN High Commissioner for Human Rights Louise Arbour talks about the plight of immigrant women … “different types of exploitation often run parallel to women’s migration”. Isn’t it ironic that Louise Arbour is from Canada and I have created this online resource because I cannot get the Canadian authorities to deal appropriately with immigrant women’s experience of abuse in that country?
I look forward to when we celebrate not just new laws to protect women from violence but also overwhelming compliance with all voluntarily ratified human rights documents!
UN DAILY NEWS from theUNITED NATIONS NEWS SERVICE22 November, 2006 ======================================================================
MORE COUNTRIES HAVE LAWS BANNING DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, SAYS UN WOMEN’S RIGHTS OFFICIAL
The number of countries with laws tackling the scourge of domestic violence has surged in the last three years, with 89 States now with some sort of provisions, the head of the United Nations Development Fund for Women(UNIFEM) said today.
Speaking on the eve of the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women, which is being marked on Saturday, UNIFEM Executive Director Noeleen Heyzer told reporters in New York that there were welcome signs of progress around the world.
In 2003 only 45 countries had specific laws on domestic violence, she said, but that number has now increased to 60, and in total there are 89 nations with some form of legislative provisions that deal with domestic violence.
Funding for initiatives is also on the rise, with the UN Trust Fund to End Violence against Women – which is disbursed by UNIFEM – set to hand out nearly $4 million this year, almost twice the amount of last year. Noting that many countries still had a long way to go, Ms. Heyzer said the key challenge is to help nations ensure that the laws and measures theyhave introduced are fully implemented, enforced and monitored, especiallyat the local level. She also said the rise in both anti-violence laws and Trust Fund grants is no coincidence – many grants in recent years have gone to campaigns that push for legislation on violence against women.
* * *
UN DAILY NEWS from theUNITED NATIONS NEWS SERVICE 24 November, 2006 =======================================================================
UN JOINS IN 16-DAY CAMPAIGN TO FIGHT VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN
From bride burning and sexual violence as a weapon of war to genital mutilation, date rape and child marriage, gender-based violence will be the focus of a United Nations-backed 16-day-long campaign being launched tomorrow.
“We are working with partners to end impunity, to promote and protect the rights of women, including the right to sexual and reproductive health, and to foster equal opportunity, participation and decision-making,” UNPopulation Fund (UNFPA) Executive Director Thoraya Ahmed Obaid said in a message ahead of tomorrow’s International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women.
The Day marks the first of the 16 Days of Activism to End Violence against Women in which UNFPA is joining with rights organizations worldwide to bring greater attention to this pervasive and deeply entrenched human rights violation, proposing a range of steps from greater overall publicityand an ending to silence over spousal abuse to pushing for legislative reform and providing safe havens for girls escaping coerced marriages.
To kick off the event UNFPA is highlighting five under-reported stories relating to gender-based violence for 2006: Bride-napping: the abduction, rape and forced marriage of young women throughout Central Asia;Breast-ironing: a traditional practice in some West African countries involving crushing the breasts of young girls in order to deter male attention; The epidemic of traumatic fistula in Africa: this is often caused by gangrape and forced insertion of foreign objects into the rape victim, tearing the tissues between the birth canal from the bowel and/or the bladder and leading to incontinence and ostracization; Ongoing femicide in Guatemala: unlike in Ciudad Juarez in Mexico, the wholesale murder and mutilation of Guatemala’s women continues under a cloak of media silence and official neglect.Child marriage: the forced marriage of girl children, mostly against their will to older men in the world’s poorest nations mean girls cannot complete their education and are at greater risk of being exploited and contracting sexual infections, including HIV.
More common examples of gender violence cited by UNFPA include:At least 130 million women have been forced to undergo female genital mutilation with 2 million more at risk each year; Killings in the name of 'honour' take the lives of thousands of young women annually in Western Asia, North Africa and parts of South Asia;At least 60 million girls who would otherwise be expected to live are'missing' due to sex-selective abortions or neglect.
UN High Commissioner for Human Rights Louise Arbour drew attention to the plight of women migrants. “Unfortunately, human rights violations in various forms such as trafficking in women or different types ofexploitation often run parallel to women’s migration,” she said in a message for the International Day.“Local and supposedly ‘traditional’ forms of violence against women, such as female genital mutilation or forced marriages, globalize as well, moving along with their potential victims.
These human rights violations are not inevitable consequences of women’s migration.“They can be curbed if states are truly committed to protecting migrant women against violence, trafficking and exploitation, without denying them the option to migrate legally, if they choose to,” she added in the statement in which she was joined by the Special Rapporteur of the UN Human Rights Council on Violence against Women, its Causes and Consequences,Yakin Ertürk and the Council’s Special Rapporteur on the Human Rights of Migrants, Jorge Bustamante.
* * *
UN DAILY NEWS from theUNITED NATIONS NEWS SERVICE 27 November, 2006 =======================================================================
CULTURE OF NEGLECT, DENIAL ABOUT VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN IS ‘MASSIVE’ – TOP UN OFFICIAL
There is a “massive” culture of neglect and denial about violence against women, and refugee populations are in the front line of the scourge, according to the top United Nations refugee official.
“That culture of neglect and denial exists everywhere,” UN High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHCR) António Guterres said at the weekend launch of the annual 16 Days of Activism to Eliminate Violence AgainstWomen.
“I think we need to face this,” he added, stressing that sexual and gender-based violence against women is a global problem.
Citing a report he had read earlier this year showing that a high percentage of girls in Geneva high schools suffered sexually motivated violence, he said that if the problem was bad in an advanced country like Switzerland, it would be much worse in societies with huge social problems and difficulties.
“Refugee populations are in the front line of those difficulties,” he told staff in Geneva in launching UNHCR’s participation in the 16 Days, in which several UN agencies are teaming up with rights organizations worldwide to bring greater attention to this pervasive and deeply entrenched human rights violation.
“The key question, at the level of the UN system, at the level of an organization, at the level of the refugee camp, is the empowerment of women, and that must be one of the central objectives of a modern, democratic system and a tolerant society,” Mr. Guterres said, calling formore equality between men and women.
UNHCR offices around the world are participating in the 16 Days with activities and awareness-raising programmes. In Liberia, where violence against women is a major problem, UNHCR is joining in nationwide campaigns and workshops to inform women about their rights and to encourage men tochange their ways.
The agency is also involved in television campaigns to publicize the campaign in places like Croatia and Argentina.
The UN Population Fund (UNFPA) has cited a whole raft of issues to be faced in gender-based violence, from bride burning and sexual violence as a weapon of war, to genital mutilation and breast ironing, to date rape and child marriage, and has proposed a range of steps from greater overall publicity and an end to silence over spousal abuse, to pushing for legislative reform and providing safe havens for girls escaping coerced marriages.
* * *
You can sign up for the UN Daily News e-newsletter at: http://www.un.org/apps/news/email/
For information on CEDAW Convention on the Elimination of Discrimination Against Women:
www.ohchr.org/english/bodies/cedaw/index.htm
For information on DEVAW Declaration on the Elimination of Violence Against Women: www.ohchr.org/english/law/eliminationvaw.htm
For information on the UN Special Rapporteur on Violence Against Women, including annual reports: www.ohchr.org/english/issues/women/rapporteur/
UN Division for the Advancement of Women including country compliance reporting:
www.un.org/womenwatch/daw/cedaw/
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Domestic violence ... who should be ashamed?
Domestic violence, who should be ashamed?
In a recent article in the Sydney Morning Herald, Michelle Downes, (ex-wife of Peter Brock motor racing star) describes her experience of abuse in thier relationship.
“Downes said she always wanted to speak out about the violence, but had felt ashamed and wanted the now-legendary racing driver's career to flourish.
But with White Ribbon Day coming up on November 25, which aims to eliminate violence against women, Downes said she wanted to encourage other victims to "speak out.”
http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/brock-beat-me-claims-exwife/2006/11/17/1163266766804.html
If someone as attractive and competent, enjoying the many opportunities Michelle Downes has, can experience the unexpected trauma of violence in her partner relationship then it becomes obvious that this can be any woman’s lived reality.
There are many women who are not safe enough to “speak out” publicly about their experience of domestic violence so it makes a difference for others still vulnerable in unsafe situations when those who can “speak out” do so.
This anonymous online resource was created as the only safe way I could find to “speak out” for my children and myself and the other children and women that I have come in contact with, heard of or must be suffering in terrified silence.
I am confused and depressed by the lack of response from the many people and organisations I have contacted in regards to this online resource.
What I had hoped is that by starting this “blog” several weeks before International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women, held annually on the 25th of November, the challenge that children and women trapped in foreign countries by spousal and systemic violence would be added to the discourse on women’s lived experience of violence.
Thank you Infoxchange … www.infoxchange.net.au … for adding information about this “blog” to your list of online resources and to the Australian law professor who responded to my email and said she would distribute information about the online resource I created for the community of women and children trapped in foreign countries by spousal and systemic abuse and violence.
Related information …
Australia …
http://www.whiteribbonday.org.au/
www.ofw.facsia.gov.au/equality/gender_equality/evaw_wrd.htm
www.lawlink.nsw.gov.au/lawlink/vaw/ll_vaw.nsf/pages/vaw_2006_16days_campaign
In Canada …
http://www.whiteribbon.ca/
www.newswire.ca/en/releases/archive/November2006/24/c8577.html
What’s happening in your part of the world to make it safe for women to "speak out" about their personal experience of violence?
Take care … take heart … Merinda
In a recent article in the Sydney Morning Herald, Michelle Downes, (ex-wife of Peter Brock motor racing star) describes her experience of abuse in thier relationship.
“Downes said she always wanted to speak out about the violence, but had felt ashamed and wanted the now-legendary racing driver's career to flourish.
But with White Ribbon Day coming up on November 25, which aims to eliminate violence against women, Downes said she wanted to encourage other victims to "speak out.”
http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/brock-beat-me-claims-exwife/2006/11/17/1163266766804.html
If someone as attractive and competent, enjoying the many opportunities Michelle Downes has, can experience the unexpected trauma of violence in her partner relationship then it becomes obvious that this can be any woman’s lived reality.
There are many women who are not safe enough to “speak out” publicly about their experience of domestic violence so it makes a difference for others still vulnerable in unsafe situations when those who can “speak out” do so.
This anonymous online resource was created as the only safe way I could find to “speak out” for my children and myself and the other children and women that I have come in contact with, heard of or must be suffering in terrified silence.
I am confused and depressed by the lack of response from the many people and organisations I have contacted in regards to this online resource.
What I had hoped is that by starting this “blog” several weeks before International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women, held annually on the 25th of November, the challenge that children and women trapped in foreign countries by spousal and systemic violence would be added to the discourse on women’s lived experience of violence.
Thank you Infoxchange … www.infoxchange.net.au … for adding information about this “blog” to your list of online resources and to the Australian law professor who responded to my email and said she would distribute information about the online resource I created for the community of women and children trapped in foreign countries by spousal and systemic abuse and violence.
Related information …
Australia …
http://www.whiteribbonday.org.au/
www.ofw.facsia.gov.au/equality/gender_equality/evaw_wrd.htm
www.lawlink.nsw.gov.au/lawlink/vaw/ll_vaw.nsf/pages/vaw_2006_16days_campaign
In Canada …
http://www.whiteribbon.ca/
www.newswire.ca/en/releases/archive/November2006/24/c8577.html
What’s happening in your part of the world to make it safe for women to "speak out" about their personal experience of violence?
Take care … take heart … Merinda
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
"Mummy, when I grow up I want to be a ..."
Mummy, when I grow up I want to be a …
One night when we had just got through the tuck me in –read to me – kiss me goodnight- sing to me routine one of my children said to me “Mummy, when I grow up I want to be a lawyer!”
Well, at that stage in my life, based on what I had experienced, having one of my children say they wanted to be a lawyer was about on par with having them say they wanted to be an illegal drug trafficker or a politician.
But I could see my child was being sincere and that this was really important to them, so I gave them my full attention and responded “Oh that sounds interesting dear, tell me more about that”.
“I want to be a lawyer when I grow up so that I can make sure other children won’t have to go through what we’ve gone through” was their serious reply.
What parent couldn’t support and encourage that?
Take care …. take heart … take time to encourage your child … Merinda.
One night when we had just got through the tuck me in –read to me – kiss me goodnight- sing to me routine one of my children said to me “Mummy, when I grow up I want to be a lawyer!”
Well, at that stage in my life, based on what I had experienced, having one of my children say they wanted to be a lawyer was about on par with having them say they wanted to be an illegal drug trafficker or a politician.
But I could see my child was being sincere and that this was really important to them, so I gave them my full attention and responded “Oh that sounds interesting dear, tell me more about that”.
“I want to be a lawyer when I grow up so that I can make sure other children won’t have to go through what we’ve gone through” was their serious reply.
What parent couldn’t support and encourage that?
Take care …. take heart … take time to encourage your child … Merinda.
"I need to talk to you how suicidal I feel!"
“I need to talk to you about how suicidal I feel …”
Know matter how much I would like to, I cannot forget the day that I attended what had been my regular weekly appointment with …. MSW (counsellor Adult Mental Health Services, … Health District), and as soon as I sat down had to tell her “I need to talk to you about how suicidal I feel”.
I don’t know how to describe to you the confusion and pain I experienced when she ignored me, acted as if she hadn’t heard me and started talking about something completely unrelated. Reframing my original statement didn’t do anything to engage her in the life and death conversation I needed to have. As I had my hand on the doorknob to leave she said to me “If people really want to commit suicide they’ll do it anyway, you can’t do anything to stop them”.
I don’t know how I got myself safely home that day!
Several days later I received a phone call from the Adult Mental Health Services office, the counsellor I had been seeing would not be available for any more appointments, she was off on sick leave.
Considering all the information I had available to me I had many questions and many concerns. I phoned the counsellor’s supervisor. Of course when I inquired why the counsellor I had been seeing was on sick leave I was told that it was none of my business. My response to the supervisor was that I had some information that I thought it was her business to be concerned about - I described my recent experience. I wanted her to know I was concerned for myself, other clients who had recently seen this counsellor and the counsellor herself. My request to her was that she let me know what changes would be made in their workplace to support each other and provide the best possible service to their clients. Even though that was several years ago I am still waiting to hear what might have happened to ensure this doesn’t occur again.
Obviously anyone can experience mental health challenges, Sir Winston Churchill described his experience as his "black dog days".
Just ask ....
... sports journalist and broadcaster Craig Hamilton (see his book “Broken Open” written with Neill Jameson, Random House Australia 2004),
... former Western Australia premier - Dr Geoff Gallop,
... Dr Margo Orum (“Fairytales in Reality: My victory over bipolar depression”, Margo Orum, Pan Macmillan Australia 1996)
.... or Dr Kay Redfield Jamison ("An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness" Kay Redfield Jamison, Alfred A. Knopf Inc. 1995).
How have I survived my self through this? I couldn’t have done it without my family. I couldn’t have survived without the love and support of my family.
For example, I am extremely fortunate to have siblings who despite whatever childhood squabbles we may have had, despite the many kilometres between us and despite the many time zones between us are always available to reassure me that they love me and miss me.
One time one of my siblings phoned me every day for several weeks to remind me that even though I was feeling very depressed and lonely I was loved and cared about.
Another time one of my siblings phoned at what was late at night for them because they had just received an email from me where I wasn’t able to conceal how depressed I was. We spent several hours on the phone, with my sibling listening to me, encouraging me and letting me know they empathised with me and loved me.
I appreciate them and also the wonderful people they have brought into my life – their children and their partners.
Thank you dear ones … I love you and miss you.
The benefit of a listening ear is described in “Change The World For Ten Bucks” (see action 36 in both the Australian and Canadian versions).
“ Don’t just do something, sit there.
Right now, an estimated one million Canadians suffer from some form of depression.
Canadian Mental Health says that one in ten people will suffer from depression during their lifetime.
But there are lots of little things we can all do to make the world a less depressing place.
Like … just listening. It’s a real art, actually – and not as easy as it sounds.”
Canadian version, “Change The World for Ten Bucks: 50 ways to make a difference”
We Are What We Do, 2006. http://www.wearewhatwedo.org/
Here are their suggested resources-
Canada
http://eqi.org/listen.htm#Suggestions
http://www.suicideinfo.ca/
Australia
http://www.depressionnet.com.au/
http://www.beyondblue.org.au/
Another interesting online resource I discovered is -
The MoodGYM Training Program. “A free self help program to teach cognitive behaviour therapy skills to people vulnerable to depression and anxiety”. (No referral or appointment necessary!)
http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/
For additional information on the benefits of listening you could turn to Margaret J. Wheatley's book "Turning to one another: Simple conversations to restore hope to the future." (Berrett-Koehler Publishers 2002). Margaret Wheatley starts her book by stating "I believe we can change the world if we start listening to one another again."
... or go to The Center for Nonviolent Communication website http://www.cnvc.org/
Take care … take heart … take time to listen … Merinda
Know matter how much I would like to, I cannot forget the day that I attended what had been my regular weekly appointment with …. MSW (counsellor Adult Mental Health Services, … Health District), and as soon as I sat down had to tell her “I need to talk to you about how suicidal I feel”.
I don’t know how to describe to you the confusion and pain I experienced when she ignored me, acted as if she hadn’t heard me and started talking about something completely unrelated. Reframing my original statement didn’t do anything to engage her in the life and death conversation I needed to have. As I had my hand on the doorknob to leave she said to me “If people really want to commit suicide they’ll do it anyway, you can’t do anything to stop them”.
I don’t know how I got myself safely home that day!
Several days later I received a phone call from the Adult Mental Health Services office, the counsellor I had been seeing would not be available for any more appointments, she was off on sick leave.
Considering all the information I had available to me I had many questions and many concerns. I phoned the counsellor’s supervisor. Of course when I inquired why the counsellor I had been seeing was on sick leave I was told that it was none of my business. My response to the supervisor was that I had some information that I thought it was her business to be concerned about - I described my recent experience. I wanted her to know I was concerned for myself, other clients who had recently seen this counsellor and the counsellor herself. My request to her was that she let me know what changes would be made in their workplace to support each other and provide the best possible service to their clients. Even though that was several years ago I am still waiting to hear what might have happened to ensure this doesn’t occur again.
Obviously anyone can experience mental health challenges, Sir Winston Churchill described his experience as his "black dog days".
Just ask ....
... sports journalist and broadcaster Craig Hamilton (see his book “Broken Open” written with Neill Jameson, Random House Australia 2004),
... former Western Australia premier - Dr Geoff Gallop,
... Dr Margo Orum (“Fairytales in Reality: My victory over bipolar depression”, Margo Orum, Pan Macmillan Australia 1996)
.... or Dr Kay Redfield Jamison ("An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness" Kay Redfield Jamison, Alfred A. Knopf Inc. 1995).
How have I survived my self through this? I couldn’t have done it without my family. I couldn’t have survived without the love and support of my family.
For example, I am extremely fortunate to have siblings who despite whatever childhood squabbles we may have had, despite the many kilometres between us and despite the many time zones between us are always available to reassure me that they love me and miss me.
One time one of my siblings phoned me every day for several weeks to remind me that even though I was feeling very depressed and lonely I was loved and cared about.
Another time one of my siblings phoned at what was late at night for them because they had just received an email from me where I wasn’t able to conceal how depressed I was. We spent several hours on the phone, with my sibling listening to me, encouraging me and letting me know they empathised with me and loved me.
I appreciate them and also the wonderful people they have brought into my life – their children and their partners.
Thank you dear ones … I love you and miss you.
The benefit of a listening ear is described in “Change The World For Ten Bucks” (see action 36 in both the Australian and Canadian versions).
“ Don’t just do something, sit there.
Right now, an estimated one million Canadians suffer from some form of depression.
Canadian Mental Health says that one in ten people will suffer from depression during their lifetime.
But there are lots of little things we can all do to make the world a less depressing place.
Like … just listening. It’s a real art, actually – and not as easy as it sounds.”
Canadian version, “Change The World for Ten Bucks: 50 ways to make a difference”
We Are What We Do, 2006. http://www.wearewhatwedo.org/
Here are their suggested resources-
Canada
http://eqi.org/listen.htm#Suggestions
http://www.suicideinfo.ca/
Australia
http://www.depressionnet.com.au/
http://www.beyondblue.org.au/
Another interesting online resource I discovered is -
The MoodGYM Training Program. “A free self help program to teach cognitive behaviour therapy skills to people vulnerable to depression and anxiety”. (No referral or appointment necessary!)
http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/
For additional information on the benefits of listening you could turn to Margaret J. Wheatley's book "Turning to one another: Simple conversations to restore hope to the future." (Berrett-Koehler Publishers 2002). Margaret Wheatley starts her book by stating "I believe we can change the world if we start listening to one another again."
... or go to The Center for Nonviolent Communication website http://www.cnvc.org/
Take care … take heart … take time to listen … Merinda
Sunday, November 19, 2006
On being a student ... and being a teacher.
On being a student … and being a teacher.
After leaving my former spouse I started taking some university classes. I was very fortunate to have encouraging, enthusiastic professors. From my research and writing for one of my classes the professor soon realised why I had left my former spouse.
This professor asked me if I would give the final class of the year and talk about domestic violence. I was very reluctant, as the only mature student in the class I was a very visible “visible minority” and would have preferred to finds more ways to fit in than be seen to be different by being the only student asked to present to our class.
But when I thought about what difference it might have made in my life if someone had given me a class on these issues the first year I was in university … well then I couldn’t not say yes.
So I made a lesson plan, asked a friend to review it for me, got together some resources and some courage … and off I went to give a university class!
To try and give a context to violence and abuse I used the Power and Control Wheel to talk about the dynamics, healthy and unhealthy, that can be in any of our relationships or interactions with family, friends, in teams and workplaces.
My professor’s comment afterwards was that it was probably the most valuable class these young adults had received all year. Here was someone who was prepared to validate my experience and encourage me to use what I had learnt to inform and protect others. Thank you for your support and encouragement.
A copy of the Power and Control Wheel (and its many variations) is available at the National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence website.
www.ncdsv.org (click on "Resources", then "Publications")
For an International Listing of Domestic Violence and Abuse Agencies, offered in over 70 langauges, see the "Hot Peach Pages" website at www.hotpeachpages.net
Take care … take heart … Merinda
After leaving my former spouse I started taking some university classes. I was very fortunate to have encouraging, enthusiastic professors. From my research and writing for one of my classes the professor soon realised why I had left my former spouse.
This professor asked me if I would give the final class of the year and talk about domestic violence. I was very reluctant, as the only mature student in the class I was a very visible “visible minority” and would have preferred to finds more ways to fit in than be seen to be different by being the only student asked to present to our class.
But when I thought about what difference it might have made in my life if someone had given me a class on these issues the first year I was in university … well then I couldn’t not say yes.
So I made a lesson plan, asked a friend to review it for me, got together some resources and some courage … and off I went to give a university class!
To try and give a context to violence and abuse I used the Power and Control Wheel to talk about the dynamics, healthy and unhealthy, that can be in any of our relationships or interactions with family, friends, in teams and workplaces.
My professor’s comment afterwards was that it was probably the most valuable class these young adults had received all year. Here was someone who was prepared to validate my experience and encourage me to use what I had learnt to inform and protect others. Thank you for your support and encouragement.
A copy of the Power and Control Wheel (and its many variations) is available at the National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence website.
www.ncdsv.org (click on "Resources", then "Publications")
For an International Listing of Domestic Violence and Abuse Agencies, offered in over 70 langauges, see the "Hot Peach Pages" website at www.hotpeachpages.net
Take care … take heart … Merinda
"I have a dream ..."
Greetings,
“I have a dream … "
It must have been a wonderful experience for Martin Luther King Jr to address his community and his country, speaking from the heart these familiar words “I have a dream …”. He dreamt of all people experiencing justice , equality and peace.
So do I!
My children and I used to have dreams ….
We dreamt of travelling together and writing a book about our experience, one child wanted to do the interviewing, another volunteered to play with all the children we met and another was eager to be the photographer … and they happily (and conveniently for them) decided that … Mummy could do all the rest. This dream was partly inspired by Helene Tremblay’s series of books - “Families of the World”.
Another one of our dreams was to have our own business - a book store/coffee shop. One child dreamt of starting classes for women on how to fix things, another wanted to make all the muffins and one child decided this would be a great venue for them to be a singer and entertainer … and of course Mummy could…do all the rest!
Now my dreams are different … see earlier post “Letter to the Prime Minister”
“There are many things I look forward to when I dream of my children and I returning home to Australia; safety, security, especially time with family and friends, the scent of gumtrees, kookaburra’s laughter, cricket in the backyard with all the relatives at Christmas, roast lamb, pavlova, a nice cup of tea on the back veranda with my parents, radio commentators who say “you beauty”, being in my home town were everyone greets you, taking my children to the art galleries and the Australian Museum. Maybe we could go in the “City2Surf” fun run together or join the enthusiastic cyclists for the Great Victoria Bike Ride and see how many of the Twelve Apostles are still standing? With my siblings and their families we could go on adventures to the amazing places featured in the Australian Geographic. We could participate in “Clean Up Australia Day” and volunteer with Mission Australia. I dream of sharing with them the delights of bushwalking and camping, surfing and sailing! Wouldn’t it be something for me to be able to take my children to see the world champion “Opals” play basketball?”
Despite all that I have experienced I still dare to dream of the possibility of my children and I experiencing justice, equality and peace and returning safely to Australia, of all people, all children, all women experiencing justice, equality and peace.
Take care … take heart … Merinda.
www.martinlutherking.org
www.thekingcenter.org
“I have a dream … "
It must have been a wonderful experience for Martin Luther King Jr to address his community and his country, speaking from the heart these familiar words “I have a dream …”. He dreamt of all people experiencing justice , equality and peace.
So do I!
My children and I used to have dreams ….
We dreamt of travelling together and writing a book about our experience, one child wanted to do the interviewing, another volunteered to play with all the children we met and another was eager to be the photographer … and they happily (and conveniently for them) decided that … Mummy could do all the rest. This dream was partly inspired by Helene Tremblay’s series of books - “Families of the World”.
Another one of our dreams was to have our own business - a book store/coffee shop. One child dreamt of starting classes for women on how to fix things, another wanted to make all the muffins and one child decided this would be a great venue for them to be a singer and entertainer … and of course Mummy could…do all the rest!
Now my dreams are different … see earlier post “Letter to the Prime Minister”
“There are many things I look forward to when I dream of my children and I returning home to Australia; safety, security, especially time with family and friends, the scent of gumtrees, kookaburra’s laughter, cricket in the backyard with all the relatives at Christmas, roast lamb, pavlova, a nice cup of tea on the back veranda with my parents, radio commentators who say “you beauty”, being in my home town were everyone greets you, taking my children to the art galleries and the Australian Museum. Maybe we could go in the “City2Surf” fun run together or join the enthusiastic cyclists for the Great Victoria Bike Ride and see how many of the Twelve Apostles are still standing? With my siblings and their families we could go on adventures to the amazing places featured in the Australian Geographic. We could participate in “Clean Up Australia Day” and volunteer with Mission Australia. I dream of sharing with them the delights of bushwalking and camping, surfing and sailing! Wouldn’t it be something for me to be able to take my children to see the world champion “Opals” play basketball?”
Despite all that I have experienced I still dare to dream of the possibility of my children and I experiencing justice, equality and peace and returning safely to Australia, of all people, all children, all women experiencing justice, equality and peace.
Take care … take heart … Merinda.
www.martinlutherking.org
www.thekingcenter.org
Sarah McLachlan - World on Fire
Sarah MacLachlan .... World on Fire
Canadian singer/songwriter Sarah McLachlan made a video recording of her song World on Fire for $15, on her website she talks about how she used the $150,000 that she might have spent on that recording to finance development projects around the world. Her budget price recording and details of the projects funded and the beneficiaries can be found at the following website:
www.worldonfire.ca/
Whenever there is an election I become terribly frustrated by the large amounts of money made available to finance candidates. In despair ( and envy) I imagine what I or other concerned individuals and organisations could do with all the money spent and resources consumed in the short period of an election campaign. What would happen if the candidates in every election were given $15 as their election budget to make a video recording that they too could post online and the money they might have spent on their campaign could be used for development projects nationally and internationally? If they needed any help with this they could always ask Sarah McLachlan for advice!
Take care ... take heart .... Merinda
Canadian singer/songwriter Sarah McLachlan made a video recording of her song World on Fire for $15, on her website she talks about how she used the $150,000 that she might have spent on that recording to finance development projects around the world. Her budget price recording and details of the projects funded and the beneficiaries can be found at the following website:
www.worldonfire.ca/
Whenever there is an election I become terribly frustrated by the large amounts of money made available to finance candidates. In despair ( and envy) I imagine what I or other concerned individuals and organisations could do with all the money spent and resources consumed in the short period of an election campaign. What would happen if the candidates in every election were given $15 as their election budget to make a video recording that they too could post online and the money they might have spent on their campaign could be used for development projects nationally and internationally? If they needed any help with this they could always ask Sarah McLachlan for advice!
Take care ... take heart .... Merinda
Saturday, November 18, 2006
A few words of wisdom from Gandhi.
A few words of wisdom from Gandhi!
“We must be the change
we want to see in the
world.”
“We must be the change
we want to see in the
world.”
Tegan Wagner .... can I please take you out for coffee?
Tegan Wagner, can I please take you out for coffee?
Dear Ms Tegan Wagner,
I was wondering if I could please take you out for coffee when I am in Australia at Christmas? Maybe we could meet for cappuccino at the Portobello Café near Circular Quay and enjoy views of both the Sydney Harbour Bridge and the Opera House …. or we take the ferry over to Manly and attempt to find the most exotic flavour of ice-cream offered on The Corso .... we could go for fish and chips at Doyle’s Restaurant at Watson’s Bay – as long as we can keep the seagulls from sharing our food …. just for fun we could conduct our own subjective research on the zoos of Sydney!
The reason I would like to meet you face to face is to let you know that I think you are a heroine!
What a difference it would have made in my children’s and my life if I had had the confidence to stand up for myself and speak my truth sooner.
You may never know what difference you have made in other girls’ and women’s lives, but I want you to know your actions have made a difference for me!
So yes, this is a sincere invitation to take you out to celebrate your courage and contribution, but if it never comes to pass, please know that I admire you greatly and wish you many future blessings.
Sincerely,
Merinda.
You can learn more about Tegan's incredible strength of character in Paul Sheehan's book "Girls Like You: Four young girls, six brothers and a cultural timebomb" Pan Macmillan Australia, 2006.
Dear Ms Tegan Wagner,
I was wondering if I could please take you out for coffee when I am in Australia at Christmas? Maybe we could meet for cappuccino at the Portobello Café near Circular Quay and enjoy views of both the Sydney Harbour Bridge and the Opera House …. or we take the ferry over to Manly and attempt to find the most exotic flavour of ice-cream offered on The Corso .... we could go for fish and chips at Doyle’s Restaurant at Watson’s Bay – as long as we can keep the seagulls from sharing our food …. just for fun we could conduct our own subjective research on the zoos of Sydney!
The reason I would like to meet you face to face is to let you know that I think you are a heroine!
What a difference it would have made in my children’s and my life if I had had the confidence to stand up for myself and speak my truth sooner.
You may never know what difference you have made in other girls’ and women’s lives, but I want you to know your actions have made a difference for me!
So yes, this is a sincere invitation to take you out to celebrate your courage and contribution, but if it never comes to pass, please know that I admire you greatly and wish you many future blessings.
Sincerely,
Merinda.
You can learn more about Tegan's incredible strength of character in Paul Sheehan's book "Girls Like You: Four young girls, six brothers and a cultural timebomb" Pan Macmillan Australia, 2006.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
"The Mounties always get their man!"
Mounties .... Royal Canadian Mounted Police
When still with my former spouse I had called the local Royal Canadian Mounted Police (R.C.M.P.), when they attended our residence they spoke to former spouse first, did not ask me appropriate questions or record any information I shared with them. They did not advise me of resources such as the women’s refuge in a nearby community, even though I told them how I had left several times before and had to come back because I had nowhere else to go – they knew I was from Australia and had no family here.
After I had moved out and someone was trying to get into my new residence in the middle of the night R.C.M.P. dispatch did not contact local police, but told me they had and that no one was answering. After contacting local police the next day, the tape recording of my phone call was examined and they were surprised to find that (a) I did have the conversation that I had related to them and got no assistance and (b) the dispatch office had lied to me and not bothered trying to contact local police, instead they just put me on hold and answered other calls. The police officer in charge of dispatch for the province contacted me. We came to an agreement that he would have all his dispatch phone operators read some information I had and listen to a recording of a CBC radio documentary that talked about domestic abuse and the opportunity for police to reduce its incidence by prompt and appropriate responses. Later when I asked him for a letter or some documentation of this he told me he “couldn’t possibly do that.”
I felt there was a lack of care or concern when files with financial documents disappeared from my new residence. I felt there was a lack of care or concern when someone was looking in my bathroom window early in the morning and ran away and drove off in a car that had been parked several houses away. I felt there was a lack of care and concern when my house was broken into. I felt there was a lack of care and concern when I asked them to record that I had felt threatened by my former spouse’s comment about Colin Thatcher (Canadian politician who was found guilty of murdering his former spouse) being a "great guy" – they told me that my former spouse was entitled to his own opinion.
When I went to see the local sergeant to discuss my concerns about the above experiences he was not available to discuss his officers actions – he just wanted to know what I had done to "provoke" my spouse!
After I moved from that community I had help filing a complaint with the R.C.M.P. The result of this complaint was that they decided some officers had not acted appropriately and would be disciplined - but they could not tell me who was to be disciplined, what they would be disciplined for or what form the discipline would take.
Later I was contacted by an R.C.M.P. officer who suggested that seeing I was able to clearly articulate my experience, make constructive suggestions for change and had many resources, would I please come to the R.C.M.P. training centre and help with their training for responses to domestic violence calls?
For logistical reasons I had to graciously decline this opportunity.
For information regarding the opportunities for protective intervention by police officers see:
Domestic Violence Handbook for Police and Crown Prosecuters in Alberta www.solgen.gov.ab.ca/publications/default.aspx?id=4373
Australian Domestic Violence & Family Violence Clearinghouse Discussion Paper www.austdvclearinghouse.unsw.edu.au/PDF%20files/issuespaper3.pdf
It's encouraging to read about succesful intervention projects!
Take care ... take heart .... Merinda
When still with my former spouse I had called the local Royal Canadian Mounted Police (R.C.M.P.), when they attended our residence they spoke to former spouse first, did not ask me appropriate questions or record any information I shared with them. They did not advise me of resources such as the women’s refuge in a nearby community, even though I told them how I had left several times before and had to come back because I had nowhere else to go – they knew I was from Australia and had no family here.
After I had moved out and someone was trying to get into my new residence in the middle of the night R.C.M.P. dispatch did not contact local police, but told me they had and that no one was answering. After contacting local police the next day, the tape recording of my phone call was examined and they were surprised to find that (a) I did have the conversation that I had related to them and got no assistance and (b) the dispatch office had lied to me and not bothered trying to contact local police, instead they just put me on hold and answered other calls. The police officer in charge of dispatch for the province contacted me. We came to an agreement that he would have all his dispatch phone operators read some information I had and listen to a recording of a CBC radio documentary that talked about domestic abuse and the opportunity for police to reduce its incidence by prompt and appropriate responses. Later when I asked him for a letter or some documentation of this he told me he “couldn’t possibly do that.”
I felt there was a lack of care or concern when files with financial documents disappeared from my new residence. I felt there was a lack of care or concern when someone was looking in my bathroom window early in the morning and ran away and drove off in a car that had been parked several houses away. I felt there was a lack of care and concern when my house was broken into. I felt there was a lack of care and concern when I asked them to record that I had felt threatened by my former spouse’s comment about Colin Thatcher (Canadian politician who was found guilty of murdering his former spouse) being a "great guy" – they told me that my former spouse was entitled to his own opinion.
When I went to see the local sergeant to discuss my concerns about the above experiences he was not available to discuss his officers actions – he just wanted to know what I had done to "provoke" my spouse!
After I moved from that community I had help filing a complaint with the R.C.M.P. The result of this complaint was that they decided some officers had not acted appropriately and would be disciplined - but they could not tell me who was to be disciplined, what they would be disciplined for or what form the discipline would take.
Later I was contacted by an R.C.M.P. officer who suggested that seeing I was able to clearly articulate my experience, make constructive suggestions for change and had many resources, would I please come to the R.C.M.P. training centre and help with their training for responses to domestic violence calls?
For logistical reasons I had to graciously decline this opportunity.
For information regarding the opportunities for protective intervention by police officers see:
Domestic Violence Handbook for Police and Crown Prosecuters in Alberta www.solgen.gov.ab.ca/publications/default.aspx?id=4373
Australian Domestic Violence & Family Violence Clearinghouse Discussion Paper www.austdvclearinghouse.unsw.edu.au/PDF%20files/issuespaper3.pdf
It's encouraging to read about succesful intervention projects!
Take care ... take heart .... Merinda
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Arundhati Roy ... Sydney Peace Prize 2004
“In the midst of a putative peace, a writer can, like I did, be unfortunate enough to stumble on a silent war. The trouble is that once you see it, you can’t unsee it. And once you’ve seen it, keeping quiet, saying nothing, becomes as political an act as speaking out.”
Arundhati Roy
Part of my motivation for creating this blog was that I couldn't know what I know and not do something, not say something .... Arundhati Roy's above quote articulates some of my angst ...why is it that those least safe to speak up about the realities of violence against children and women are ignored and ridiculed by those that make a conscious choice that their "political act" will be silence?
Take care .... take heart .... Merinda
Arundhati Roy
Part of my motivation for creating this blog was that I couldn't know what I know and not do something, not say something .... Arundhati Roy's above quote articulates some of my angst ...why is it that those least safe to speak up about the realities of violence against children and women are ignored and ridiculed by those that make a conscious choice that their "political act" will be silence?
Take care .... take heart .... Merinda
Digging wells ...
Greetings,
May I please share a story about my experience?
… In my final years of High School my favourite subject was Geology. When I first (unsuccessfully) attended university I needed to justify making a choice to do what I liked in a world with so much need ... so how I worked this out was that I could use geological mapping skills in "underdeveloped" countries in Africa, and by conferring with the women in communities I could empower them by involving them in decision making and drill wells where their lives and their children’s lives would be improved by making water more accessible and children and women not being overburdened by so many hours of their day being consumed by this responsibility.
Well that was Plan A.... many years later after I had left my abusive former spouse I was driving in to ..... to give yet another domestic violence presentation (this time to medical students) and thinking about how I would communicate in their medical language of "signs", "symptoms", "diagnosis" and "treatment". I hoped to convince them of their important role and responsibility in early diagnosis and appropriate "treatment" of (response to) domestic violence and how this would not only improve the health and lives of women but also obviously their children - it suddenly came to me ... " Oh my God - Canada is the first ‘underdeveloped' country I am working in to empower and improve the lives of children and women!" (I do not think many Canadians would appreciate this story!). Of course I realise that this is not just about Canada … the reality is every country in the world is “underdeveloped” in its response to children and women’s human rights and equality issues.
Take care .... take heart .... Merinda
May I please share a story about my experience?
… In my final years of High School my favourite subject was Geology. When I first (unsuccessfully) attended university I needed to justify making a choice to do what I liked in a world with so much need ... so how I worked this out was that I could use geological mapping skills in "underdeveloped" countries in Africa, and by conferring with the women in communities I could empower them by involving them in decision making and drill wells where their lives and their children’s lives would be improved by making water more accessible and children and women not being overburdened by so many hours of their day being consumed by this responsibility.
Well that was Plan A.... many years later after I had left my abusive former spouse I was driving in to ..... to give yet another domestic violence presentation (this time to medical students) and thinking about how I would communicate in their medical language of "signs", "symptoms", "diagnosis" and "treatment". I hoped to convince them of their important role and responsibility in early diagnosis and appropriate "treatment" of (response to) domestic violence and how this would not only improve the health and lives of women but also obviously their children - it suddenly came to me ... " Oh my God - Canada is the first ‘underdeveloped' country I am working in to empower and improve the lives of children and women!" (I do not think many Canadians would appreciate this story!). Of course I realise that this is not just about Canada … the reality is every country in the world is “underdeveloped” in its response to children and women’s human rights and equality issues.
Take care .... take heart .... Merinda
The "gift" of a good question.
G'Day,
Over the years I have had the good fortune to have met and had conversations with many caring and insightful people.
When I noticed that a professor from an Australian university was coming to speak at a local conference of course I had to go and hear what they had to say ... and hear an Australian accent too!
Years later I reconnected with Professor Stuart Hill, University of Western Sydney. I appreciated that he was available to discuss the Masters of Arts in Social Ecology program of which he is the foundation chair. During that conversation Stuart said to me "What it is you want to give .... and was is it you want to receive?
What I wanted to give was a question I had often asked myself .... what was I meant to contribute to the amazing and complex world I had the good fortune to be living in? But want I wanted to receive ... wasn't that selfish to think about what I wanted to receive?
One of the things we discussed in the parent education facilitation training, that lead to my fulfilling experience of facilitating groups of dedicated parents, was finding balance in our lives. How much as parents are we giving and what do we need to ask for to replenish ourselves so we can keep giving .... create conditions for sustainability?
In all our relationships ... our relationships with other people, our environment, our community .... ourselves ... asking for what we want to receive and contemplating what we want to give is a question worth some meaningful exploration!
Thank you Stuart for the gift of a really good question.
Link to Masters of Arts (Social Ecology) , University of Western Sydney
http://handbook.uws.edu.au/hbook/course.asp?course=1579
Take care ... take heart ... Merinda
Over the years I have had the good fortune to have met and had conversations with many caring and insightful people.
When I noticed that a professor from an Australian university was coming to speak at a local conference of course I had to go and hear what they had to say ... and hear an Australian accent too!
Years later I reconnected with Professor Stuart Hill, University of Western Sydney. I appreciated that he was available to discuss the Masters of Arts in Social Ecology program of which he is the foundation chair. During that conversation Stuart said to me "What it is you want to give .... and was is it you want to receive?
What I wanted to give was a question I had often asked myself .... what was I meant to contribute to the amazing and complex world I had the good fortune to be living in? But want I wanted to receive ... wasn't that selfish to think about what I wanted to receive?
One of the things we discussed in the parent education facilitation training, that lead to my fulfilling experience of facilitating groups of dedicated parents, was finding balance in our lives. How much as parents are we giving and what do we need to ask for to replenish ourselves so we can keep giving .... create conditions for sustainability?
In all our relationships ... our relationships with other people, our environment, our community .... ourselves ... asking for what we want to receive and contemplating what we want to give is a question worth some meaningful exploration!
Thank you Stuart for the gift of a really good question.
Link to Masters of Arts (Social Ecology) , University of Western Sydney
http://handbook.uws.edu.au/hbook/course.asp?course=1579
Take care ... take heart ... Merinda
Martin Luther King Jr
"The ultimate measure of a man is not
where he stands in moments of comfort
and convenience but where he stands at
times of challenge and controversy."
Martin Luther King Jr
where he stands in moments of comfort
and convenience but where he stands at
times of challenge and controversy."
Martin Luther King Jr
Economics 101
So how much are you willing to pay for the government to not take responsibility for children and women's safety?
Below are just a few links to some of the many research documents and reports on the cost to individuals and to the economy of violence against women.
* * *
Canadian Reports
www.prairieactionfoundation.ca/Default.aspx?PageID=17
www.harbour.sfu.ca/freda/reports/pol06.htm
www.unicef.at/fileadmin/medien/pdf/domviolence.pdf
Australian Reports
www.aph.gov.au/library/INTGUIDE/SP/ViolenceAgainstWomen.htm
www.leadershipforwomen.com.au/Eliminate%20Violence%20Against%20Women/Index.htm
www.whiteribbonday.org.au/index.cgi?tid=19
WHO World Health Organisation
www.who.int/gender/violence/who_multicountry_study/summary_report/summary_report_English2.pdf
www.paho.org/English/dpi/Number10_article2.htm
United Nations
www.unfpa.org/swp/2005/english/ch7/index.htm
Monday, November 13, 2006
Is there anybody out there?
Greetings,
As mentioned in an earlier post (How many politicians does it take to protect Innocent and vulnerable children and women?) there was one elected official who replied ... copied below is my response to her email.
"Dear Senator .... ,
At the same time that the Australian government is informing me that they have no responsibility or ability to assist any Australian women and children trapped overseas by abusive spouses and justice systems that reward abuse against children and women they are providing immediate consular assistance to Al-Qaeda trainees in Yemen, apprehended paedophiles and drug traffickers in Asia, funding and assistance has been provided for the “Bali Nine” and Mr Downer has travelled to Indonesia to negotiate prisoner exchange programs for convicted traffickers, funding has been provided for David Hicks lawyer and Mr Ruddock has flown to the USA to negotiate on Mr Hicks behalf, Robert Jovicic has been provided with funds and accommodation while his return to Australia was arranged, ten million dollars was spent to rescue Douglas Woods from Iraq and I don’t know how much was spent rescuing Australians citizens from the most recent strife in Lebanon ….. and that’s only what I have had the chance to read about in the online news! Oh, and the government has also provided financial support for a foreign jurisdiction that uses its resources to deny Australian children and women justice, safety and human rights.
So to get my government to care about whether or not Australian women experience justice in the court system of a foreign country it would appear they would have to be a paedophile, drug trafficker or trainee terrorist – but innocent female victim’s of physical, emotional, sexual and financial abuse are of no concern! I’m not sure how this is reflective of the government’s commitment to its programs such as “Violence Against Women – Australia Says No!” and recent comments about respect and equality for women being an important Australian value.
My perspective is that government officials and government departments have a responsibility to warn Australian women that countries (even seemingly developed and democratic countries like Canada) might choose to break their own laws to reward male violence against immigrant women. Should Australian women be able to sue the government if they end up in a similar situation to mine? The government has had this information, that I had provided at personal expense, since 1999, and to the best of my knowledge has not shared the information they have to protect Australian women.
(I would be curious to know how much the government spends warning people about the dangers of choosing to be involved in drug trafficking, which we all know is an illegal activity, and how much it spends to assist these people after they ignore the warnings and still choose to break the law.)
Female M.P.s who are demanding the government bring David Hicks safely home immediately are telling me the government has no responsibility to do anything for Australian women and children trapped overseas by criminal activity, or that they can’t speak up for us because they are only the opposition, or they won’t get involved in situations that effect only one person and speaking up for David Hicks or Scott Parkin “is different”.
If I can connect with another Australian women who lives just over an hour away, who is in a similar situation, then how many other Australian children and women must be in this situation across Canada, in North America, around the world – no-one here is helping us otherwise we wouldn’t need to beg our government to help us – we would have been home safely with our families many years ago, happily and safely contributing to our communities and country.
We have no criminal records, we don’t even have to say if you bring us back we will stop committing crimes and start living like decent citizens because we have always conducted ourselves that way.
I met my former spouse on his sixth trip to Australia; he said he wanted to live in Australia, that he believed Australia was a better place than Canada to bring up children. When we married it was with the condition that we lived in Canada for ten years then returned to Australia permanently. I retained my Australian citizenship; my children were all registered as Australian citizens by descent. I kept my part of the agreement and temporarily gave up being near family and friends, temporarily gave up living in Australia, gave up my secure government job and went to live in rural ...... To contribute to the business we took over from his parents I learnt how to do all the book-keeping, ............., I got my semi-driver’s license and even worked outside when it was –42C not counting the wind-chill!
I thought going to live in a foreign country for a period of time would contribute to me being a well-rounded, tolerant and understanding citizen of the world – all it has done is expose me to the trauma of spousal and systemic abuse and expose me to the experience of finding out that my government cares more about criminals, drug traffickers, paedophiles and trainee terrorists than it does about abused children and women!
There is no way that I could have know beforehand that my former spouse would be an abusive husband, there is no way that I could have known beforehand that this province has two ways of dealing with domestic abuse depending on whether the woman is a Canadian citizen or an immigrant. There is no way I could have know that the Canadian Federal Justice Department finds this acceptable and does not hold provincial jurisdictions accountable to the application of the law or the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms or the Bill of Rights, or the United Nations conventions they have ratified such as the Convention on the Rights of the Child, Convention on the Elimination of Discrimination Against Women, Declaration of the Elimination of Violence Against Women.
The Australian Consulate in Ottawa, Australian Department of Foreign Affairs, Attorney General’s Department and MP for my home town electorate all received copies of letters (in 1999) detailing their believe that my former spouse abused our children and myself and their concerns for our safety from:
Doctor
Social worker who facilitated government funded Domestic Violence Support Group I attended
Counsellor my children and I saw
Pre-school teacher
....... Action Committee on the Status of Women
....... Battered Women’s Advocacy Network
....... Family Service Bureau
Ethically it is tearing me apart and killing me to know what I know .... to worry about my eldest child .................. , to worry about my other children and to worry about how I am going to keep surviving myself through this .... and to know all the things I have done, all the people I have shared information with in Canada and in Australia and still not be able to make any difference for my family or any other family.
Many people in this province including justice department employees, MLA's from both the main political parties in the province, the former Federal Justice Critic for women, social workers, lawyers.... as well as Florence Ievers, co-ordinator Federal Status of Women and John H Sims the deputy Federal Justice Minister have received information about this situation and done nothing- apparently they find it acceptable for the justice department to have their employees misrepresent information (from doctors, social workers who run government funded domestic violence support groups, counsellors, even international experts on child witnesses to domestic abuse like Dr Peter Jaffe) about immigrant women and their children's experience of abuse at the hands of Canadian males and to contact judges behind the scenes and lie about the abused woman.
There is not a single politician who would publicly say they find male violence against children and women acceptable but not a single one of the many politicians I have shared this information with and begged to speak up for my children and myself and all the other children and women in similar circumstances has done so.
This is a variation of human trafficking. At the moment many are calling for women that have been brought to Canada under false pretences for the purpose of sexual slavery to be allowed to stay in Canada. There are many women who were enticed to come to this country under false pretences by the men they married, who turn out to be abusive, that are desperate to leave! They came to Canada in the belief they were entering a loving, respectful relationship only to be physically, sexually, emotionally and financially abused. They came here on agreements about living in this country and being contributing citizens for a period of time and them returning to be near their own family and contribute to their own country, only to be isolated from their family and country and unable to return home. They are desperate to leave and return to the safety of their homeland – safe from the spousal and systemic abuse they experienced in Canada. Unfortunately, like me, they have discovered that it is acceptable in Canada to bring a woman into the country under false pretences and physically, emotionally, sexually and financially abuse her if you marry her first!
My experience as an immigrant has included the bizarre and traumatic experience of sharing my personal experience of abuse and personal resources to try and make a difference for all children and women experiencing abuse in Canada, while at the same time the government, justice department and justice system of the province I have the misfortune to be in are using all of their resources to misrepresent information about our experience of abuse, to lie about me, lie about the abuse my children and I experienced and deny us the safety and justice we deserve and the opportunity to return to safety and family in Australia – and instead reward my abusive former spouse and grant him the court ordered right to continue to abuse and control us.
I just want my children and I to get to go home together while we are still alive, while my parents are still alive, for my children to experience life in a country that does not pay its justice employees to reward male violence against children and wives, to be in the country my former spouse declared was a much better place to bring up children than Canada, to be in the country he promised and we agreed we would all be living in ten years ago.
It is with great sadness that I prepare to come home alone to find a way to make this situation public knowledge in Australia because Canadians won’t talk about this abuse of immigrant women and their children. Ethically I feel I have a personal responsibility to let Australian women know about the dangers of life in Canada if married to a Canadian. Somehow I need to find a way to let all potential female immigrants know about this reality. There is no pleasure in the thought that despite some of the wonderful people I have met here it is my ethical responsibility to warn other women about the reality of the Canadian lack of justice and safety for abused immigrant women. I am coming home to Australia in December for Christmas to see my parents who have both been in hospital and had serious health concerns since I last saw them; in January while I am home I want to be as strategic as possible in trying to rectifying this situation for my children and myself and all the other children and women that must be suffering in a terrified silence.
What I would prefer is that my children and I could all be safely home for Christmas, as we should have been ten years ago. What I would prefer is that I could find someone here who would initiate and ensure the actions required to show that there is some credibility to Canada’s Charter and Bill of Rights and would speak up for all children and women in this situation.
I am desperate to find someone who will bring these unsafe and unjust situations to the government and public’s attention in a way that does not endanger any individual woman or her children, protects their privacy, and creates a safe and accessible pathway for all women to easily and quickly obtain the safety and security she and her children need and deserve.
The provincial Justice Department, politicians, Ombudsman, Children’s Advocate and many others have received letters and extensive documentation from myself, service agencies, women’s advocacy groups and the professionals (doctor, social worker with government funded Domestic Violence Support Group, counsellor, expert on child witnesses to domestic abuse) who the justice department misrepresented (some of these people even came to meetings I organised with justice department officials). As well, the justice department and politicians have received letters from a provincial service agency who informed the justice department that they were currently working with five other women who had the same experience.
Not only did these experienced and concerned professionals all recommend that I should have sole custody of our children, they all expressed concern for my children’s and my safety in regards to my former spouse. The justice department has known since 1998 that their Family Law Division employee misrepresented this information and instead reported that they all recommended joint custody and made no reference to any of the concerns about our safety. The justice minister received letters from these professionals and copies of these people’s reports expressing their concerns for my children’s and my safety and has never acted on this information. And the Australian government has known this since 1999!
The provincial Justice Department fought me with all available resources until I suffered a depressive mental breakdown. I could no longer care for my children or myself. I begged both the social worker and health nurse who had know me for a quiet a while, knew of our circumstances and been involved with my efforts to have the justice department respond appropriately, to help me arrange care for my children and hospitalise me. Instead the social worker contacted the Department of Social Services to advise them that she thought I was a risk to my children .......... – that was basically the end of our relationship as my abusive former spouse used this opportunity to persuade my young children that I didn’t care for them, didn’t want them, didn’t love them and to prevent any contact between us.
And now years later I still can’t get anyone to deal with this situation despite the knowledge of ............ . Everyone’s response is that I should just wait and hope that when they are older my children will contact me – I am so afraid after my eldest child's .... that my children won’t survive until they are older – and even if they do manage to survive themselves we will still all be trapped in a country that rewards male violence against children and women, away from the safety and support of our family in Australia, in a situation where their father is still abusive and controlling their lives and they are still exposed to an extended family and culture who believes in supporting abusive males.
The Executive Director, Policy, Planning and Evaluation, this province's Justice Departement, approached me at a Justice Department focus group, to say, “What happened to you should never have happened to anyone!”. Then they and the justice department fought me with all the resources at their disposal until they managed to create the situation that lead to my mental breakdown.
Not only did the justice department choose to misrepresent information (commit perjury/obstruct the course of justice) to denigrate me but also to denigrate my family in Australia, never mentioning how highly regarded my family is in our local community, or that my father was one of the first people to receive the “Citizen of the Year Award” for his involvement in organisations and committees that contributed to my siblings and my childhood and our community.
I have reason to believe that after I initiated complaints with the provincial Justice Department they found alternative employment for their employee (who misrepresented information about the abuse my daughters and I experienced) in the provincial Ombudsman’s office. When I approached the Ombudsman for assistance they told me they couldn’t get involved with a complaint about the justice department – but this is contradicted by information in the Ombudsman’s annual reports available online.
Everyone’s suggested solution to our traumatic experience involves me not speaking my truth about our experience, but “accepting” what has happened, accepting that my daughters and I are trapped in a foreign country that believes in rewarding male violence, accepting that my daughters and I will never be safe, accepting that my children and I will never be at home with our family in Australia. If this were happening to someone in their family would they expect them to “accept” the same circumstances? … Or would they expect justice, safety, freedom from fear and freedom from abuse for their family members?
Despite all that I have done to contribute to Canada (see attached c.v.) my former spouse and the justice department have colluded to portray me as the problem. Everything I have contributed to Canada has been stolen from Australia. Everything I have done in the last twenty years, having children, co-operating and co-owning a business, being an employer, being an organic farmer, being involved in community organisations, volunteering, donating, starting a high school scholarship, have all been stolen from Australia by a foreigner who deliberately misrepresented himself and his intentions and a province and country who prefers to reward male violence against immigrant women and their children than to uphold their own laws and protect immigrant women and their children in the same way their laws were intended to protect Canadian women and children.
The provincial Justice Department was committed to an outcome that would enable my former spouse to continue to emotionally and financially abuse me, continue to have me live in fear and continue to control my life. All Australian female immigrants to Canada deserve to know that this could be their reality too!
Not only have I been suicidal over this situation but also now ..... and I still can’t get anyone to do anything. Many people have told me that I have done more than anyone else they know of in regards to our situation – and I’m still not able to protect my children or motivate those who could have and should have protected us and all the other children and women in similar circumstances.
I keep connecting with more women who have had similar experiences, more women whose children, forced to have contact with abusive fathers have mental health problems and are suicidal. More Australian and other immigrant women who experienced abuse from their Canadian spouse and then further abuse from the Canadian justice system.
I know so much, have researched and learnt so much – things I never wanted to know about - ethically I need to find a safe way to use this information to be part of making a difference. Who will work with me so that my children and I can return home to Australia, safely, so that other immigrant children and women can be safe? Who will work with me so that I can safely make use of all my lived experience and research to protect other children and women?
Due to the effects of these experiences on my physical and mental wellbeing it is a challenge to articulate our lived experience and the experiences mentioned here are just a small part of the trauma my children and I have endured.
To help you understand our situation I can forward you copies of the relevant letters, reports and emails that have been shared with the many people that I believed had the responsibility and privilege to protect all vulnerable children and women. This information was sent to outspoken law professor, Professor Mirko Bagaric, Deakin University, ... maybe there is a way to arrange for this information to be shared with you/forwarded to you if you are concerned about Australian children and women overseas.
(This information includes copies of reference letters in regards to presentations I have made about domestic violence to medical students, nursing students and clergy and a video about planning to escape from situations of domestic violence that received provincial funding from the justice department and national funding from the National Clearing House on Domestic Violence ............... , copies of correspondence with the provincial Justice Department, copies of letters and reports from concerned professionals.)
I had also contacted the University of Newcastle Legal Centre that assisted Cornelia Rau and her family, but they are overwhelmed with potential cases and have experienced funding cut backs.
What I hoped was that if there are legal experts who for ethical or professional reasons want to assist Australians overseas who break the law then it would be relatively easy to find legal experts who want to assist innocent Australian victims when overseas jurisdictions break their own laws! So far I have been unsuccessful.
Any assistance would be greatly appreciated.
Sincerely, "
.......... As with my other correspondence I am waiting for a reply!
Take care .... take heart .... Merinda
As mentioned in an earlier post (How many politicians does it take to protect Innocent and vulnerable children and women?) there was one elected official who replied ... copied below is my response to her email.
"Dear Senator .... ,
At the same time that the Australian government is informing me that they have no responsibility or ability to assist any Australian women and children trapped overseas by abusive spouses and justice systems that reward abuse against children and women they are providing immediate consular assistance to Al-Qaeda trainees in Yemen, apprehended paedophiles and drug traffickers in Asia, funding and assistance has been provided for the “Bali Nine” and Mr Downer has travelled to Indonesia to negotiate prisoner exchange programs for convicted traffickers, funding has been provided for David Hicks lawyer and Mr Ruddock has flown to the USA to negotiate on Mr Hicks behalf, Robert Jovicic has been provided with funds and accommodation while his return to Australia was arranged, ten million dollars was spent to rescue Douglas Woods from Iraq and I don’t know how much was spent rescuing Australians citizens from the most recent strife in Lebanon ….. and that’s only what I have had the chance to read about in the online news! Oh, and the government has also provided financial support for a foreign jurisdiction that uses its resources to deny Australian children and women justice, safety and human rights.
So to get my government to care about whether or not Australian women experience justice in the court system of a foreign country it would appear they would have to be a paedophile, drug trafficker or trainee terrorist – but innocent female victim’s of physical, emotional, sexual and financial abuse are of no concern! I’m not sure how this is reflective of the government’s commitment to its programs such as “Violence Against Women – Australia Says No!” and recent comments about respect and equality for women being an important Australian value.
My perspective is that government officials and government departments have a responsibility to warn Australian women that countries (even seemingly developed and democratic countries like Canada) might choose to break their own laws to reward male violence against immigrant women. Should Australian women be able to sue the government if they end up in a similar situation to mine? The government has had this information, that I had provided at personal expense, since 1999, and to the best of my knowledge has not shared the information they have to protect Australian women.
(I would be curious to know how much the government spends warning people about the dangers of choosing to be involved in drug trafficking, which we all know is an illegal activity, and how much it spends to assist these people after they ignore the warnings and still choose to break the law.)
Female M.P.s who are demanding the government bring David Hicks safely home immediately are telling me the government has no responsibility to do anything for Australian women and children trapped overseas by criminal activity, or that they can’t speak up for us because they are only the opposition, or they won’t get involved in situations that effect only one person and speaking up for David Hicks or Scott Parkin “is different”.
If I can connect with another Australian women who lives just over an hour away, who is in a similar situation, then how many other Australian children and women must be in this situation across Canada, in North America, around the world – no-one here is helping us otherwise we wouldn’t need to beg our government to help us – we would have been home safely with our families many years ago, happily and safely contributing to our communities and country.
We have no criminal records, we don’t even have to say if you bring us back we will stop committing crimes and start living like decent citizens because we have always conducted ourselves that way.
I met my former spouse on his sixth trip to Australia; he said he wanted to live in Australia, that he believed Australia was a better place than Canada to bring up children. When we married it was with the condition that we lived in Canada for ten years then returned to Australia permanently. I retained my Australian citizenship; my children were all registered as Australian citizens by descent. I kept my part of the agreement and temporarily gave up being near family and friends, temporarily gave up living in Australia, gave up my secure government job and went to live in rural ...... To contribute to the business we took over from his parents I learnt how to do all the book-keeping, ............., I got my semi-driver’s license and even worked outside when it was –42C not counting the wind-chill!
I thought going to live in a foreign country for a period of time would contribute to me being a well-rounded, tolerant and understanding citizen of the world – all it has done is expose me to the trauma of spousal and systemic abuse and expose me to the experience of finding out that my government cares more about criminals, drug traffickers, paedophiles and trainee terrorists than it does about abused children and women!
There is no way that I could have know beforehand that my former spouse would be an abusive husband, there is no way that I could have known beforehand that this province has two ways of dealing with domestic abuse depending on whether the woman is a Canadian citizen or an immigrant. There is no way I could have know that the Canadian Federal Justice Department finds this acceptable and does not hold provincial jurisdictions accountable to the application of the law or the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms or the Bill of Rights, or the United Nations conventions they have ratified such as the Convention on the Rights of the Child, Convention on the Elimination of Discrimination Against Women, Declaration of the Elimination of Violence Against Women.
The Australian Consulate in Ottawa, Australian Department of Foreign Affairs, Attorney General’s Department and MP for my home town electorate all received copies of letters (in 1999) detailing their believe that my former spouse abused our children and myself and their concerns for our safety from:
Doctor
Social worker who facilitated government funded Domestic Violence Support Group I attended
Counsellor my children and I saw
Pre-school teacher
....... Action Committee on the Status of Women
....... Battered Women’s Advocacy Network
....... Family Service Bureau
Ethically it is tearing me apart and killing me to know what I know .... to worry about my eldest child .................. , to worry about my other children and to worry about how I am going to keep surviving myself through this .... and to know all the things I have done, all the people I have shared information with in Canada and in Australia and still not be able to make any difference for my family or any other family.
Many people in this province including justice department employees, MLA's from both the main political parties in the province, the former Federal Justice Critic for women, social workers, lawyers.... as well as Florence Ievers, co-ordinator Federal Status of Women and John H Sims the deputy Federal Justice Minister have received information about this situation and done nothing- apparently they find it acceptable for the justice department to have their employees misrepresent information (from doctors, social workers who run government funded domestic violence support groups, counsellors, even international experts on child witnesses to domestic abuse like Dr Peter Jaffe) about immigrant women and their children's experience of abuse at the hands of Canadian males and to contact judges behind the scenes and lie about the abused woman.
There is not a single politician who would publicly say they find male violence against children and women acceptable but not a single one of the many politicians I have shared this information with and begged to speak up for my children and myself and all the other children and women in similar circumstances has done so.
This is a variation of human trafficking. At the moment many are calling for women that have been brought to Canada under false pretences for the purpose of sexual slavery to be allowed to stay in Canada. There are many women who were enticed to come to this country under false pretences by the men they married, who turn out to be abusive, that are desperate to leave! They came to Canada in the belief they were entering a loving, respectful relationship only to be physically, sexually, emotionally and financially abused. They came here on agreements about living in this country and being contributing citizens for a period of time and them returning to be near their own family and contribute to their own country, only to be isolated from their family and country and unable to return home. They are desperate to leave and return to the safety of their homeland – safe from the spousal and systemic abuse they experienced in Canada. Unfortunately, like me, they have discovered that it is acceptable in Canada to bring a woman into the country under false pretences and physically, emotionally, sexually and financially abuse her if you marry her first!
My experience as an immigrant has included the bizarre and traumatic experience of sharing my personal experience of abuse and personal resources to try and make a difference for all children and women experiencing abuse in Canada, while at the same time the government, justice department and justice system of the province I have the misfortune to be in are using all of their resources to misrepresent information about our experience of abuse, to lie about me, lie about the abuse my children and I experienced and deny us the safety and justice we deserve and the opportunity to return to safety and family in Australia – and instead reward my abusive former spouse and grant him the court ordered right to continue to abuse and control us.
I just want my children and I to get to go home together while we are still alive, while my parents are still alive, for my children to experience life in a country that does not pay its justice employees to reward male violence against children and wives, to be in the country my former spouse declared was a much better place to bring up children than Canada, to be in the country he promised and we agreed we would all be living in ten years ago.
It is with great sadness that I prepare to come home alone to find a way to make this situation public knowledge in Australia because Canadians won’t talk about this abuse of immigrant women and their children. Ethically I feel I have a personal responsibility to let Australian women know about the dangers of life in Canada if married to a Canadian. Somehow I need to find a way to let all potential female immigrants know about this reality. There is no pleasure in the thought that despite some of the wonderful people I have met here it is my ethical responsibility to warn other women about the reality of the Canadian lack of justice and safety for abused immigrant women. I am coming home to Australia in December for Christmas to see my parents who have both been in hospital and had serious health concerns since I last saw them; in January while I am home I want to be as strategic as possible in trying to rectifying this situation for my children and myself and all the other children and women that must be suffering in a terrified silence.
What I would prefer is that my children and I could all be safely home for Christmas, as we should have been ten years ago. What I would prefer is that I could find someone here who would initiate and ensure the actions required to show that there is some credibility to Canada’s Charter and Bill of Rights and would speak up for all children and women in this situation.
I am desperate to find someone who will bring these unsafe and unjust situations to the government and public’s attention in a way that does not endanger any individual woman or her children, protects their privacy, and creates a safe and accessible pathway for all women to easily and quickly obtain the safety and security she and her children need and deserve.
The provincial Justice Department, politicians, Ombudsman, Children’s Advocate and many others have received letters and extensive documentation from myself, service agencies, women’s advocacy groups and the professionals (doctor, social worker with government funded Domestic Violence Support Group, counsellor, expert on child witnesses to domestic abuse) who the justice department misrepresented (some of these people even came to meetings I organised with justice department officials). As well, the justice department and politicians have received letters from a provincial service agency who informed the justice department that they were currently working with five other women who had the same experience.
Not only did these experienced and concerned professionals all recommend that I should have sole custody of our children, they all expressed concern for my children’s and my safety in regards to my former spouse. The justice department has known since 1998 that their Family Law Division employee misrepresented this information and instead reported that they all recommended joint custody and made no reference to any of the concerns about our safety. The justice minister received letters from these professionals and copies of these people’s reports expressing their concerns for my children’s and my safety and has never acted on this information. And the Australian government has known this since 1999!
The provincial Justice Department fought me with all available resources until I suffered a depressive mental breakdown. I could no longer care for my children or myself. I begged both the social worker and health nurse who had know me for a quiet a while, knew of our circumstances and been involved with my efforts to have the justice department respond appropriately, to help me arrange care for my children and hospitalise me. Instead the social worker contacted the Department of Social Services to advise them that she thought I was a risk to my children .......... – that was basically the end of our relationship as my abusive former spouse used this opportunity to persuade my young children that I didn’t care for them, didn’t want them, didn’t love them and to prevent any contact between us.
And now years later I still can’t get anyone to deal with this situation despite the knowledge of ............ . Everyone’s response is that I should just wait and hope that when they are older my children will contact me – I am so afraid after my eldest child's .... that my children won’t survive until they are older – and even if they do manage to survive themselves we will still all be trapped in a country that rewards male violence against children and women, away from the safety and support of our family in Australia, in a situation where their father is still abusive and controlling their lives and they are still exposed to an extended family and culture who believes in supporting abusive males.
The Executive Director, Policy, Planning and Evaluation, this province's Justice Departement, approached me at a Justice Department focus group, to say, “What happened to you should never have happened to anyone!”. Then they and the justice department fought me with all the resources at their disposal until they managed to create the situation that lead to my mental breakdown.
Not only did the justice department choose to misrepresent information (commit perjury/obstruct the course of justice) to denigrate me but also to denigrate my family in Australia, never mentioning how highly regarded my family is in our local community, or that my father was one of the first people to receive the “Citizen of the Year Award” for his involvement in organisations and committees that contributed to my siblings and my childhood and our community.
I have reason to believe that after I initiated complaints with the provincial Justice Department they found alternative employment for their employee (who misrepresented information about the abuse my daughters and I experienced) in the provincial Ombudsman’s office. When I approached the Ombudsman for assistance they told me they couldn’t get involved with a complaint about the justice department – but this is contradicted by information in the Ombudsman’s annual reports available online.
Everyone’s suggested solution to our traumatic experience involves me not speaking my truth about our experience, but “accepting” what has happened, accepting that my daughters and I are trapped in a foreign country that believes in rewarding male violence, accepting that my daughters and I will never be safe, accepting that my children and I will never be at home with our family in Australia. If this were happening to someone in their family would they expect them to “accept” the same circumstances? … Or would they expect justice, safety, freedom from fear and freedom from abuse for their family members?
Despite all that I have done to contribute to Canada (see attached c.v.) my former spouse and the justice department have colluded to portray me as the problem. Everything I have contributed to Canada has been stolen from Australia. Everything I have done in the last twenty years, having children, co-operating and co-owning a business, being an employer, being an organic farmer, being involved in community organisations, volunteering, donating, starting a high school scholarship, have all been stolen from Australia by a foreigner who deliberately misrepresented himself and his intentions and a province and country who prefers to reward male violence against immigrant women and their children than to uphold their own laws and protect immigrant women and their children in the same way their laws were intended to protect Canadian women and children.
The provincial Justice Department was committed to an outcome that would enable my former spouse to continue to emotionally and financially abuse me, continue to have me live in fear and continue to control my life. All Australian female immigrants to Canada deserve to know that this could be their reality too!
Not only have I been suicidal over this situation but also now ..... and I still can’t get anyone to do anything. Many people have told me that I have done more than anyone else they know of in regards to our situation – and I’m still not able to protect my children or motivate those who could have and should have protected us and all the other children and women in similar circumstances.
I keep connecting with more women who have had similar experiences, more women whose children, forced to have contact with abusive fathers have mental health problems and are suicidal. More Australian and other immigrant women who experienced abuse from their Canadian spouse and then further abuse from the Canadian justice system.
I know so much, have researched and learnt so much – things I never wanted to know about - ethically I need to find a safe way to use this information to be part of making a difference. Who will work with me so that my children and I can return home to Australia, safely, so that other immigrant children and women can be safe? Who will work with me so that I can safely make use of all my lived experience and research to protect other children and women?
Due to the effects of these experiences on my physical and mental wellbeing it is a challenge to articulate our lived experience and the experiences mentioned here are just a small part of the trauma my children and I have endured.
To help you understand our situation I can forward you copies of the relevant letters, reports and emails that have been shared with the many people that I believed had the responsibility and privilege to protect all vulnerable children and women. This information was sent to outspoken law professor, Professor Mirko Bagaric, Deakin University, ... maybe there is a way to arrange for this information to be shared with you/forwarded to you if you are concerned about Australian children and women overseas.
(This information includes copies of reference letters in regards to presentations I have made about domestic violence to medical students, nursing students and clergy and a video about planning to escape from situations of domestic violence that received provincial funding from the justice department and national funding from the National Clearing House on Domestic Violence ............... , copies of correspondence with the provincial Justice Department, copies of letters and reports from concerned professionals.)
I had also contacted the University of Newcastle Legal Centre that assisted Cornelia Rau and her family, but they are overwhelmed with potential cases and have experienced funding cut backs.
What I hoped was that if there are legal experts who for ethical or professional reasons want to assist Australians overseas who break the law then it would be relatively easy to find legal experts who want to assist innocent Australian victims when overseas jurisdictions break their own laws! So far I have been unsuccessful.
Any assistance would be greatly appreciated.
Sincerely, "
.......... As with my other correspondence I am waiting for a reply!
Take care .... take heart .... Merinda
How many politicians does it take to protect innocent & vulnerable children & women?
Weary greetings....
After waiting several weeks to get a response to my communication with the Prime Minister's Office ( see post titled "Dear Mr Prime Minister) the communication copied below was emailed to many M.P.s and Senators from the main political parties on the 16th October 2006.
"Dear ... ,
Please find copied below information titled “Canadian Nine ?!” that was emailed to the Prime Minister’s Office and acknowledged received there on Monday, 25th September 2006. As yet I have not received any response to the information my communication contained.
What I am hoping to find is someone who can help me understand why a government that is so quick to threaten political excommunication and withdrawal of aid from Papua New Guinea because of PNG’s assistance to Mr Julian Moti who is accused of sexual abuse of a Vanuatu girl, can at the same time choose to finance a foreign jurisdiction ( a province in Canada) that they know condoned and rewarded the physical, emotional and sexual abuse of an Australian woman by one of their own citizen’s.
In 1999 the government first received copies of letters from objective professionals (a doctor, social worker with a domestic outreach program, counsellor and an international expert on child witnesses to domestic abuse) expressing their concern for my children’s and my safety, and also addressed to the provinces Justice Department regarding the danger and inappropriateness of the justice department’s employee having misrepresented the information in court thereby withholding and negating their professional concerns about the abuse my children and I had experienced.
For the sake of my family and all Australian children and women prevented from returning to family, safely, security and the blessings of life in Australia by abusive former spouse’s and jurisdictions that condone and reward that behaviour are you available or do you know someone who is available to speak up on our behalf?
At this time last year the government was pressured to provide resources for and bring back to Australia in time for Christmas with their family someone with 158 convictions for criminal activities. Last year they chose him over us. Surely this year I can find someone who believes that if there are sufficient resources for convicted criminals then there must be sufficient concern and resources for innocent Australian children and women who have been the victims of criminal activities? Isn’t it time? Who will challenge, encourage and assist the public and the government to make this Christmas the season, for a change, where vulnerable children and women are given priority.
Sincerely, "
... Accompanying this communication was a copy of "Canadian Nine" correspondence forwarded by email to Prime Minister John Howard, 25th September, 2006 ... see blog entry "Dear Mr Prime Minister .... ". So far only one of the many people I forwarded that information to has responded. I will share the subsequent information I shared with her in another post.
Take care .... take heart .... Merinda
After waiting several weeks to get a response to my communication with the Prime Minister's Office ( see post titled "Dear Mr Prime Minister) the communication copied below was emailed to many M.P.s and Senators from the main political parties on the 16th October 2006.
"Dear ... ,
Please find copied below information titled “Canadian Nine ?!” that was emailed to the Prime Minister’s Office and acknowledged received there on Monday, 25th September 2006. As yet I have not received any response to the information my communication contained.
What I am hoping to find is someone who can help me understand why a government that is so quick to threaten political excommunication and withdrawal of aid from Papua New Guinea because of PNG’s assistance to Mr Julian Moti who is accused of sexual abuse of a Vanuatu girl, can at the same time choose to finance a foreign jurisdiction ( a province in Canada) that they know condoned and rewarded the physical, emotional and sexual abuse of an Australian woman by one of their own citizen’s.
In 1999 the government first received copies of letters from objective professionals (a doctor, social worker with a domestic outreach program, counsellor and an international expert on child witnesses to domestic abuse) expressing their concern for my children’s and my safety, and also addressed to the provinces Justice Department regarding the danger and inappropriateness of the justice department’s employee having misrepresented the information in court thereby withholding and negating their professional concerns about the abuse my children and I had experienced.
For the sake of my family and all Australian children and women prevented from returning to family, safely, security and the blessings of life in Australia by abusive former spouse’s and jurisdictions that condone and reward that behaviour are you available or do you know someone who is available to speak up on our behalf?
At this time last year the government was pressured to provide resources for and bring back to Australia in time for Christmas with their family someone with 158 convictions for criminal activities. Last year they chose him over us. Surely this year I can find someone who believes that if there are sufficient resources for convicted criminals then there must be sufficient concern and resources for innocent Australian children and women who have been the victims of criminal activities? Isn’t it time? Who will challenge, encourage and assist the public and the government to make this Christmas the season, for a change, where vulnerable children and women are given priority.
Sincerely, "
... Accompanying this communication was a copy of "Canadian Nine" correspondence forwarded by email to Prime Minister John Howard, 25th September, 2006 ... see blog entry "Dear Mr Prime Minister .... ". So far only one of the many people I forwarded that information to has responded. I will share the subsequent information I shared with her in another post.
Take care .... take heart .... Merinda
"You should write a book!"
"You should write a book!"
If I only had a dollar for every time someone has said that to me!
Unfortunately it's not safe for me to write a book about my children's and my experience at the moment, and it has been tearing me apart to know what I know about children's and women's experience of violence in the home and not be using my experiential knowledge and research to make a difference for children and women ... so this is a step towards that ... this is what it is safe and possible to do at the moment. Ethically I needed to do something to share what I know to try and make children and women safer ... but how was I to do that without endangering my own children and myself? This blog has become the solution for the time being. Maybe I will be able to connect with more women and share encouragement, enablement and resources ... while at the same time encouraging, inviting and challenging those who have the responsibility to ensure our safety to do so.
Thank you to all those involved with computer and software design and manufacture, and to the technically savvy people at www.blogger.com. Sharing your skills and knowledge makes a difference for many people searching for a safe and accessible way to communicate with the world, people who want to connect, to participate, celebrate, encourage, inspire, educate and ruminate!
What I hope is that one day ... one day soon ... it will be safe for me to write "the book". That I'll be able to share the details of what I hope might become assessable work for academic accreditation. Then I will be allowed to know what I know! Maybe that will help me be one step closer to being part of being able to make a difference in our world.
I am very grateful to my much more internet and computer savvy friends who encouraged me to start this blog and directed me to useful resources. Thank you very much!
Take care ... take heart .... Merinda
If I only had a dollar for every time someone has said that to me!
Unfortunately it's not safe for me to write a book about my children's and my experience at the moment, and it has been tearing me apart to know what I know about children's and women's experience of violence in the home and not be using my experiential knowledge and research to make a difference for children and women ... so this is a step towards that ... this is what it is safe and possible to do at the moment. Ethically I needed to do something to share what I know to try and make children and women safer ... but how was I to do that without endangering my own children and myself? This blog has become the solution for the time being. Maybe I will be able to connect with more women and share encouragement, enablement and resources ... while at the same time encouraging, inviting and challenging those who have the responsibility to ensure our safety to do so.
Thank you to all those involved with computer and software design and manufacture, and to the technically savvy people at www.blogger.com. Sharing your skills and knowledge makes a difference for many people searching for a safe and accessible way to communicate with the world, people who want to connect, to participate, celebrate, encourage, inspire, educate and ruminate!
What I hope is that one day ... one day soon ... it will be safe for me to write "the book". That I'll be able to share the details of what I hope might become assessable work for academic accreditation. Then I will be allowed to know what I know! Maybe that will help me be one step closer to being part of being able to make a difference in our world.
I am very grateful to my much more internet and computer savvy friends who encouraged me to start this blog and directed me to useful resources. Thank you very much!
Take care ... take heart .... Merinda
"Desiderata"
G'Day,
Recently there has been much discussion at home about "Australian values". I'd like to share with you a story about our families values ... when I was young and still living at home my father, at times that he deemed appropriate and instructive, would direct us to "go and read" the copy of "Desiderata" that hung on the dining room wall. Somehow I think just having that visible in our home had a subconscious influence on us, the Desiderata is realistic, optimistic, hopeful and encouraging. Thank you Dad .... I love you ...
Max Ehrmann Desiderata
"Go placidly amid the noise and haste,and remember what peace there may be in silence.As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.Speak your truth quietly and clearly;and listen to others,even the dull and the ignorant;they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,they are vexations to the spirit.If you compare yourself with others,you may become vain and bitter;for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.Exercise caution in your business affairs;for the world is full of trickery.But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;many persons strive for high ideals;and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.Especially, do not feign affection.Neither be cynical about love;for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,gracefully surrendering the things of youth.Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.Beyond a wholesome discipline,be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,no less than the trees and the stars;you have a right to be here.And whether or not it is clear to you,no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,whatever you conceive Him to be,and whatever your labors and aspirations,in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,it is still a beautiful world.Be cheerful.Strive to be happy."
by Max Ehrmann©1927 by Max Ehrmann, all rights reserved. © renewed 1954 by Bertha Ehrmann.
www.desiderata.com/
Take care ... take heart ... Merinda
Recently there has been much discussion at home about "Australian values". I'd like to share with you a story about our families values ... when I was young and still living at home my father, at times that he deemed appropriate and instructive, would direct us to "go and read" the copy of "Desiderata" that hung on the dining room wall. Somehow I think just having that visible in our home had a subconscious influence on us, the Desiderata is realistic, optimistic, hopeful and encouraging. Thank you Dad .... I love you ...
Max Ehrmann Desiderata
"Go placidly amid the noise and haste,and remember what peace there may be in silence.As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.Speak your truth quietly and clearly;and listen to others,even the dull and the ignorant;they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,they are vexations to the spirit.If you compare yourself with others,you may become vain and bitter;for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.Exercise caution in your business affairs;for the world is full of trickery.But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;many persons strive for high ideals;and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.Especially, do not feign affection.Neither be cynical about love;for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,gracefully surrendering the things of youth.Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.Beyond a wholesome discipline,be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,no less than the trees and the stars;you have a right to be here.And whether or not it is clear to you,no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,whatever you conceive Him to be,and whatever your labors and aspirations,in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,it is still a beautiful world.Be cheerful.Strive to be happy."
by Max Ehrmann©1927 by Max Ehrmann, all rights reserved. © renewed 1954 by Bertha Ehrmann.
www.desiderata.com/
Take care ... take heart ... Merinda
What's in your toolbox?
Greetings,
In my attempt to bring the best possible me to face the challenge of trying to resolve the traumatic situation my children and I and many other children and women have experienced I did some personal research. I asked successful people whose values I respected and whose passion for their work inspired me (and made me a little envious and curious) about the skill sets, knowledge bases, tools or learnings that had contributed to their success.
Commonly, the reason they were passionate about their work was they had made a commitment to themselves to only work with organisations and in positions they were passionate about .... they were "following their dream" in real life!
This is a work in progress but here is some of the information these people were good enough to share with me ....
Tools, skill sets, learnings...
Emotional Intelligence http://eqi.org
Myers-Briggs Type Indicator www.myersbriggs.org
Edward de Bono .... Six Thinking Hats, Lateral Thinking www.debono.org
Five Pillars of Leadership .... Jim Kouzes and Barry Posner www.
Meditation or some form of reflective practice
Intuition ... connecting with and respecting inner wisdom
360 Degree Feedback
Scenario Planning .... Creating Strategic Scenarios
Facilitation, Group Process and Communication Skills
Values based leadership
Sincere love of people
Sense of humour
Reading Jim Collins "From Good to Great" and Paulo Freire's "Pedagogy of the Oppressed"
Reading Lillas and Rick Hatala's "Integrative Leadership"
Thanks to every one who listened to my question and gave me a sincere and thoughtful answer.
I look forward to seeing what other people might add to this list....
Take care ... take heart .... Merinda
In my attempt to bring the best possible me to face the challenge of trying to resolve the traumatic situation my children and I and many other children and women have experienced I did some personal research. I asked successful people whose values I respected and whose passion for their work inspired me (and made me a little envious and curious) about the skill sets, knowledge bases, tools or learnings that had contributed to their success.
Commonly, the reason they were passionate about their work was they had made a commitment to themselves to only work with organisations and in positions they were passionate about .... they were "following their dream" in real life!
This is a work in progress but here is some of the information these people were good enough to share with me ....
Tools, skill sets, learnings...
Emotional Intelligence http://eqi.org
Myers-Briggs Type Indicator www.myersbriggs.org
Edward de Bono .... Six Thinking Hats, Lateral Thinking www.debono.org
Five Pillars of Leadership .... Jim Kouzes and Barry Posner www.
Meditation or some form of reflective practice
Intuition ... connecting with and respecting inner wisdom
360 Degree Feedback
Scenario Planning .... Creating Strategic Scenarios
Facilitation, Group Process and Communication Skills
Values based leadership
Sincere love of people
Sense of humour
Reading Jim Collins "From Good to Great" and Paulo Freire's "Pedagogy of the Oppressed"
Reading Lillas and Rick Hatala's "Integrative Leadership"
Thanks to every one who listened to my question and gave me a sincere and thoughtful answer.
I look forward to seeing what other people might add to this list....
Take care ... take heart .... Merinda
Katy Hutchison ... "Walking After Midnight"
Greetings,
It was quiet by accident that I heard Katy Hutchison being interviewed on CBC radio about her book "Walking After Midnight" ( Raincoast Books 2006, the website and its book outline are shared below.)
But when I heard her talk about her personal experience of trauma and how her belief in healing and forgiveness - combined with tenacity - has been transformative in many people's lives I just had to go and hear her in person that night at the local book store where she was speaking as part of her book promotion across Canada.
On one hand what Katy has chosen to do is incredible ... and at the same time she says she was just doing what she believed was right and she believes any of us could do the same.
Many people have told me I have done more than anyone else they know to try and protect my children, but because I could not right the wrongs done to them and myself I have experienced a great sense of failure. Sometimes it has been such a struggle to find any reason to hope .... so hard to keep holding on to the ideal that if I can just keep myself alive, just keep searching, keep "knocking" and hoping someone will answer, then maybe ... just maybe I can find a way to make something good come out my children's and my trauma. Hearing Katy speak and reading her book helped keep the flame of hope alive.
Creating this blog is an expression of me trying to find a way to use what I know - and what I wish I had never learnt - to make a difference ... because I just can't not do it!
Keep up the great work Katy!!!
www.katyhutchisonpresents.com/
* *
www.raincoast.com/walkingaftermidnight/index.html
"About the BookOn New Year’s Eve in 1997, Bob McIntosh was murdered while trying to break up a teenagers’ party at a friend’s house. His wife, Katy, was left a widow with four-year-old twins. In the midst of her grief, and with remarkable courage and grace, Katy began an amazing journey of forgiveness. She recognized the need to educate teens about the risks arising from the combination of youth, alcohol and lack of supervision. She began speaking to schools and other groups about social responsibility, restorative justice and the transformative power of forgiveness.Katy waited for five years while the police uncovered and convicted Bob’s killers. Ryan Aldridge was charged with Bob’s murder in 2002. Astoundingly, Katy reached out to Ryan, and they have since forged a powerful and unique relationship. Ryan has now joined Katy in her speaking engagements, and Katy supported his recent successful appeal for early parole.Walking After Midnight is the extraordinary story of a life interrupted by unthinkable tragedy, and of Katy’s commitment to turning the horror into a transformative gift. It offers a means for all of us to embrace fully the concepts of forgiveness and restorative justice."
It was quiet by accident that I heard Katy Hutchison being interviewed on CBC radio about her book "Walking After Midnight" ( Raincoast Books 2006, the website and its book outline are shared below.)
But when I heard her talk about her personal experience of trauma and how her belief in healing and forgiveness - combined with tenacity - has been transformative in many people's lives I just had to go and hear her in person that night at the local book store where she was speaking as part of her book promotion across Canada.
On one hand what Katy has chosen to do is incredible ... and at the same time she says she was just doing what she believed was right and she believes any of us could do the same.
Many people have told me I have done more than anyone else they know to try and protect my children, but because I could not right the wrongs done to them and myself I have experienced a great sense of failure. Sometimes it has been such a struggle to find any reason to hope .... so hard to keep holding on to the ideal that if I can just keep myself alive, just keep searching, keep "knocking" and hoping someone will answer, then maybe ... just maybe I can find a way to make something good come out my children's and my trauma. Hearing Katy speak and reading her book helped keep the flame of hope alive.
Creating this blog is an expression of me trying to find a way to use what I know - and what I wish I had never learnt - to make a difference ... because I just can't not do it!
Keep up the great work Katy!!!
www.katyhutchisonpresents.com/
* *
www.raincoast.com/walkingaftermidnight/index.html
"About the BookOn New Year’s Eve in 1997, Bob McIntosh was murdered while trying to break up a teenagers’ party at a friend’s house. His wife, Katy, was left a widow with four-year-old twins. In the midst of her grief, and with remarkable courage and grace, Katy began an amazing journey of forgiveness. She recognized the need to educate teens about the risks arising from the combination of youth, alcohol and lack of supervision. She began speaking to schools and other groups about social responsibility, restorative justice and the transformative power of forgiveness.Katy waited for five years while the police uncovered and convicted Bob’s killers. Ryan Aldridge was charged with Bob’s murder in 2002. Astoundingly, Katy reached out to Ryan, and they have since forged a powerful and unique relationship. Ryan has now joined Katy in her speaking engagements, and Katy supported his recent successful appeal for early parole.Walking After Midnight is the extraordinary story of a life interrupted by unthinkable tragedy, and of Katy’s commitment to turning the horror into a transformative gift. It offers a means for all of us to embrace fully the concepts of forgiveness and restorative justice."
Miracle on 34th Street ... my wish for a Christmas miracle.
Greetings,
My children and I had often enjoyed watching the touching Christmas story with a happy ending "Miracle on 34th Street", ( both the 1947 version starring Maureen O'Hara, John Payne and Natalie Wood and the 1995 version starring Richard Attenborough, Elizabeth Perkins, Dylan McDermott and Mara Wilson) ... what I wish is that we could experience a Christmas "miracle'"with a happy ending of our own. My family; my children, my parents, my siblings and their partners and children have never been allowed or able to have a family Christmas together.
Earlier this year the media, advocacy groups and politicians persuaded the government that it had a responsibility to ensure that Robert Jovicic not suffer any more and be returned to Australia at taxpayer expense, and while that was being organised and negotiated he would receive an allowance and accommodation ... at taxpayer expense ... not withstanding the fact that he had already received many years of accommodation and rehabilitative resources while in jail ... at taxpayers expense. What would it take for this to be the year that innocent and vulnerable Australian children and women received at least as much assistance as people with 158 criminal convictions who have made a choice to engage in criminal activity, who have made a choice not to become an Australian citizen? None of the the Australian children and women overseas who have been traumatised by their experience of abuse by their spouse/father and abuse by justice systems that ignore or reward violence against children and women that I am in contact with have committed any crimes, they don't have any criminal convictions - they are not paedophiles or drug traffickers or Al-Qaeda trainees or arms smugglers. Earlier this year the government chose as its priority Robert Jovicic, and it didn't take years to respond to him but I have been begging for assistance for our family since 1999!
If the government can mobilise resources and ensure the safe evacuation of thousands of citizens living in Lebanon then surely Australian children and women living in countries without the logistical challenges of intermittent bombing can reasonably expect assistance. I used to think it was something about me ... but I keep meeting or hearing of other women in similar traumatic circumstances and realise that it is not about me it is about how children and women are valued.
I am totally confused. I have shared so much information with so many people .... if anyone can help me understand what it takes to get our government to care about children and women I would really appreciate receiving your ideas and suggestions, for my children's and my sake as well as for all the other Australian children and women who are experiencing a similar traumatic situation.
Our prime minister, Mr John Howard, chose to provide Robert Jovicic with a gift at taxpayers expense earlier this year ... how about a gift for Australian children and women trapped overseas, not by their own criminal activities but by others criminal activities, for Christmas?
Take care .... take heart .... Merinda
My children and I had often enjoyed watching the touching Christmas story with a happy ending "Miracle on 34th Street", ( both the 1947 version starring Maureen O'Hara, John Payne and Natalie Wood and the 1995 version starring Richard Attenborough, Elizabeth Perkins, Dylan McDermott and Mara Wilson) ... what I wish is that we could experience a Christmas "miracle'"with a happy ending of our own. My family; my children, my parents, my siblings and their partners and children have never been allowed or able to have a family Christmas together.
Earlier this year the media, advocacy groups and politicians persuaded the government that it had a responsibility to ensure that Robert Jovicic not suffer any more and be returned to Australia at taxpayer expense, and while that was being organised and negotiated he would receive an allowance and accommodation ... at taxpayer expense ... not withstanding the fact that he had already received many years of accommodation and rehabilitative resources while in jail ... at taxpayers expense. What would it take for this to be the year that innocent and vulnerable Australian children and women received at least as much assistance as people with 158 criminal convictions who have made a choice to engage in criminal activity, who have made a choice not to become an Australian citizen? None of the the Australian children and women overseas who have been traumatised by their experience of abuse by their spouse/father and abuse by justice systems that ignore or reward violence against children and women that I am in contact with have committed any crimes, they don't have any criminal convictions - they are not paedophiles or drug traffickers or Al-Qaeda trainees or arms smugglers. Earlier this year the government chose as its priority Robert Jovicic, and it didn't take years to respond to him but I have been begging for assistance for our family since 1999!
If the government can mobilise resources and ensure the safe evacuation of thousands of citizens living in Lebanon then surely Australian children and women living in countries without the logistical challenges of intermittent bombing can reasonably expect assistance. I used to think it was something about me ... but I keep meeting or hearing of other women in similar traumatic circumstances and realise that it is not about me it is about how children and women are valued.
I am totally confused. I have shared so much information with so many people .... if anyone can help me understand what it takes to get our government to care about children and women I would really appreciate receiving your ideas and suggestions, for my children's and my sake as well as for all the other Australian children and women who are experiencing a similar traumatic situation.
Our prime minister, Mr John Howard, chose to provide Robert Jovicic with a gift at taxpayers expense earlier this year ... how about a gift for Australian children and women trapped overseas, not by their own criminal activities but by others criminal activities, for Christmas?
Take care .... take heart .... Merinda
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Many statesmen and a lack of leadership!
I have communicated with many people both here in Canada as well as at home in Australia to try and find someone whose commitment to ending violence against women and children is more than just verbal or politically expedient. Copied below is an email I recently sent to Canadian Senator Romeo Dallaire, emailed 30th, October 2006, I am looking forward to a response.
(Some portions of this letter have been deleted for our safety and privacy.)
"Senator Romeo Dallaire,
Dear Sir,
I attended the recent .............. Lecture you presented. I was struck by your comment that we have many statesmen but a lack of leaders. What I am searching for is someone prepared to be a leader in responding to the human rights violations of abused immigrant women and their children in Canada.
There is not a single politician who would publicly say they find male violence against children and women acceptable but not a single one of the many politicians I have shared this information with and begged to speak up for my children and myself and all the other children and women in similar circumstances has done so. Many statesmen – lack of leadership!
This is a variation of human trafficking. At the moment many are calling for women that have been brought to Canada under false pretences for the purpose of sexual slavery to be allowed to stay in Canada. There are many women who were enticed to come to this country under false pretences by the men they married, who turn out to be abusive, that are desperate to leave! They came to Canada in the belief they were entering a loving, respectful relationship only to be physically, sexually, emotionally and financially abused. They came here on agreements about living in this country and being contributing citizens for a period of time and them returning to be near their own family and contribute to their own country, only to be isolated from their family and country and unable to return home. They are desperate to leave and return to the safety of their homeland – safe from the spousal and systemic abuse they experienced in Canada. Unfortunately, like me, they have discovered that it is acceptable in Canada to bring a woman into the country under false pretences and physically, emotionally, sexually and financially abuse her if you marry her first!
My experience as an immigrant has included the bizarre and traumatic experience of sharing my personal experience of abuse and personal resources to try and make a difference for all children and women experiencing abuse in your country, while at the same time the government, justice department and justice system of the province I have the misfortune to be in are using all of their resources to misrepresent information about our experience of abuse, to lie about me, lie about the abuse my children and I experienced and deny us the safety and justice we deserve and the opportunity to return to safety and family in Australia – and instead reward my abusive former spouse and grant him the court ordered right to continue to abuse and control us.
There is an awful irony about having to contact a male to beg for assistance in this situation. All the female politicians I have previously contacted for whatever reason find this situation for immigrant women so acceptable that they;
-ignore me
-refuse to speak with me,
-have their staff tell me it’s not their “jurisdiction", but I should try harder to get along with my former spouse.
It might not be their specific jurisdiction but when it is politically expedient every politician claims to be concerned about violence against children and women, every politician claims to care about immigrants. The last federal election was run on a platform of ethics and accountability, each political party vied for the claim that they alone were the upholders and enforcers of the Canadian Charter and Bill of Rights.
I just want my children and I to get to go home together while we are still alive, while my parents are still alive, for my children to experience life in a country that does not pay its justice employees to reward male violence against children and wives, to be in the country my former spouse declared was a much better place to bring up children than Canada, to be in the country he promised and we agreed we would all be living in ten years ago.
Please sir, Canada has to stop this form of entrapment and unlawful confinement of abused children and women.
It is with great sadness that I prepare to go home alone to find a way to make this situation public knowledge in Australia because Canadians won’t talk about this abuse of immigrant women and their children. Ethically I feel I have a personal responsibility to let Australian women know about the dangers of life in Canada if married to a Canadian. Somehow I need to find a way to let all potential female immigrants know about this reality. There is no pleasure in the thought that despite some of the wonderful people I have met here it is my ethical responsibility to warn other women about the reality of the Canadian lack of justice and safety for abused immigrant women.
What I would prefer is that my children and I could all be safely home for Christmas, as we should have been ten years ago. What I would prefer is that I could find someone here who would initiate and ensure the actions required to show that there is some credibility to Canada’s Charter and Bill of Rights and would speak up for all children and women in this situation.
I am desperate to find someone who will bring these unsafe and unjust situations to the government and public’s attention in a way that does not endanger any individual woman or her children, protects their privacy, and creates a safe and accessible pathway for all women to easily and quickly obtain the safety and security she and her children need and deserve.
This province's justice department, politicians, Ombudsman, Children’s Advocate and many others have received letters and extensive documentation from myself, service agencies, women’s advocacy groups and the professionals (doctor, social worker with government funded Domestic Violence Support Group, counsellor, expert on child witnesses to domestic abuse) who the justice department misrepresented, (some of these people even came to meetings I organised with justice department officials). As well the justice department and politicians have received letters from a local service agency who informed the justice department that they were currently working with five other women who had the same experience.
Not only did these experienced and concerned professionals all recommend that I should have sole custody of my children, they all expressed concern for my children’s and my safety. The justice department has known since 1998 that their Family Law Division employee misrepresented this information and instead reported that they all recommended joint custody and made no reference to any of the concerns about our safety. The justice minister received letters from these professionals and copies of these people’s reports expressing their concerns for my children’s and my safety and has never acted on this information.
The justice department fought me with all available resources until I suffered a depressive mental breakdown (from your own personal experience I believe you will understand this). I could no longer care for my children or myself. I begged both the social worker and health nurse who had know me for a while, knew of our circumstances and been involved with my efforts to have the justice department respond appropriately, to help me arrange care for my children and hospitalise me. Instead the social worker contacted the Department of Social Services to advise them that she thought I was a risk to my children. ........................– that was basically the end of our relationship as my abusive former spouse used this opportunity to persuade my young children that I didn’t care for them, didn’t want them, didn’t love them and to prevent any contact between us.
And now years later I still can’t get anyone to deal with this situation. ...... Everyone’s response is that I should just wait and hope that when they are older my children contact me – I am so afraid ... that my children won’t survive until they are older – and even if they do manage to survive themselves we will still all be trapped in a country that rewards male violence against children and women, away from the safety and support of our family in Australia, in a situation where their father is still abusive and controlling their lives and they are still exposed to an extended family and culture who believes in supporting abusive males.
The Executive Director, Policy, Planning and Evaluation, of this province's justice department, approached me at a justice department focus group in 1998, to say, “What happened to you should never have happened to anyone!”. Then they and the justice department fought me with all the resources at their disposal until they managed to create the situation that lead to my mental breakdown.
Not only did the justice department choose to misrepresent information (commit perjury/obstruct the course of justice) to denigrate me but also to denigrate my family in Australia, never mentioning how highly regarded my family is in our local community, or that my father was one of the first people to receive the “Citizen of the Year Award” for his involvement in organisations and committees that contributed to my siblings and my childhood and our community.
I have reason to believe that after I initiated complaints with the Justice Department they found alternative employment for their employee (who misrepresented information about the abuse my children and I experienced) in the provincial Ombudsman’s office. When I approached the Ombudsman for assistance theytold me they couldn’t get involved with a complaint about the justice department – but this is contradicted by information in the Ombudsman’s annual reports available online.
Everyone’s suggested solution to our traumatic experience involves me not speaking my truth about our experience, but “accepting” what has happened, accepting that my children and I are trapped in a foreign country that believes in rewarding male violence, accepting that my children and I will never be safe, accepting that my children and I will never be at home with our family in Australia. If this were happening to someone in their family would they expect them to “accept” the same circumstances? … Or would they expect justice, safety, freedom from fear and freedom from abuse for their family members?
Despite all that I have done to contribute to your country (see attached c.v.) my former spouse and the justice department have colluded to portray me as the problem. Everything I have contributed to your country has been stolen from my country. The Justice Department was committed to an outcome that would enable my former spouse to continue to emotionally and financially abuse me, continue to have me live in fear and continue to control my life. All female immigrants to Canada deserve to know that this could be their reality too!
I have done many things to try and find a solution to our and other children and women’s predicament including reading your book “Shake Hands With the Devil” to try and help me gain insights into leadership and courage in the face of adversity – the following quote resonated with me ….
“But where would I find the means to prod the world into action?” …. “And why were we so feeble, fearful and self-centred in the face of atrocities committed against the innocent?”
This is my “Rwanda”! I know it is not the same numbers of people over the same period of time but in a historical, global and cultural context there are women and children experiencing violence and genocide in the family every day! Everyone knows about it, few people are talking about it and those that have the responsibility and resources to do something are not responding …. more talk …. more reports …. more research …. no action …. unchecked violence and human rights violations ….. the innocent keep suffering!
If this is happening to English speaking, white, Commonwealth citizens like myself then what is the experience of immigrant women of colour, with language challenges, from countries they would feel unsafe to return to? Unsafe in Canada and unsafe to return to their country of origin!
Not only have I been suicidal over this situation but also now ............ and I still can’t get anyone to do anything. Many people have told me that I have done more than anyone else they know of in regards to our situation – and I’m still not able to protect my children or motivate those who could have and should have protected us and all the other children and women in similar circumstances.
I keep connecting with more women who have had similar experiences, more women whose children, forced to have contact with abusive fathers have mental health problems and are suicidal. More immigrant women who experienced abuse from their Canadian spouse and then further abuse from the Canadian justice system.
I know so much, have researched and learnt so much – things I never wanted to know about - ethically I need to find a safe way to use this information to be part of making a difference. Who will work with me so that my children and I can return home to Australia, safely, so that other immigrant children and women can be safe, Canadian children and women can be safe?
Due to the effects of these experiences on my physical and mental wellbeing it is a challenge to articulate our lived experience and the experiences mentioned here are just a small part of the trauma my children and I and I have endured.
To help you understand our situation I can forward you copies of the relevant letters, reports and emails that have been shared with the many people that I believed had the responsibility and privilege to protect all vulnerable children and women.
Any assistance would be greatly appreciated.
Sincerely, "
As I said, I am looking forward to a reply, but have not recieved one as yet.
(Some portions of this letter have been deleted for our safety and privacy.)
"Senator Romeo Dallaire,
Dear Sir,
I attended the recent .............. Lecture you presented. I was struck by your comment that we have many statesmen but a lack of leaders. What I am searching for is someone prepared to be a leader in responding to the human rights violations of abused immigrant women and their children in Canada.
There is not a single politician who would publicly say they find male violence against children and women acceptable but not a single one of the many politicians I have shared this information with and begged to speak up for my children and myself and all the other children and women in similar circumstances has done so. Many statesmen – lack of leadership!
This is a variation of human trafficking. At the moment many are calling for women that have been brought to Canada under false pretences for the purpose of sexual slavery to be allowed to stay in Canada. There are many women who were enticed to come to this country under false pretences by the men they married, who turn out to be abusive, that are desperate to leave! They came to Canada in the belief they were entering a loving, respectful relationship only to be physically, sexually, emotionally and financially abused. They came here on agreements about living in this country and being contributing citizens for a period of time and them returning to be near their own family and contribute to their own country, only to be isolated from their family and country and unable to return home. They are desperate to leave and return to the safety of their homeland – safe from the spousal and systemic abuse they experienced in Canada. Unfortunately, like me, they have discovered that it is acceptable in Canada to bring a woman into the country under false pretences and physically, emotionally, sexually and financially abuse her if you marry her first!
My experience as an immigrant has included the bizarre and traumatic experience of sharing my personal experience of abuse and personal resources to try and make a difference for all children and women experiencing abuse in your country, while at the same time the government, justice department and justice system of the province I have the misfortune to be in are using all of their resources to misrepresent information about our experience of abuse, to lie about me, lie about the abuse my children and I experienced and deny us the safety and justice we deserve and the opportunity to return to safety and family in Australia – and instead reward my abusive former spouse and grant him the court ordered right to continue to abuse and control us.
There is an awful irony about having to contact a male to beg for assistance in this situation. All the female politicians I have previously contacted for whatever reason find this situation for immigrant women so acceptable that they;
-ignore me
-refuse to speak with me,
-have their staff tell me it’s not their “jurisdiction", but I should try harder to get along with my former spouse.
It might not be their specific jurisdiction but when it is politically expedient every politician claims to be concerned about violence against children and women, every politician claims to care about immigrants. The last federal election was run on a platform of ethics and accountability, each political party vied for the claim that they alone were the upholders and enforcers of the Canadian Charter and Bill of Rights.
I just want my children and I to get to go home together while we are still alive, while my parents are still alive, for my children to experience life in a country that does not pay its justice employees to reward male violence against children and wives, to be in the country my former spouse declared was a much better place to bring up children than Canada, to be in the country he promised and we agreed we would all be living in ten years ago.
Please sir, Canada has to stop this form of entrapment and unlawful confinement of abused children and women.
It is with great sadness that I prepare to go home alone to find a way to make this situation public knowledge in Australia because Canadians won’t talk about this abuse of immigrant women and their children. Ethically I feel I have a personal responsibility to let Australian women know about the dangers of life in Canada if married to a Canadian. Somehow I need to find a way to let all potential female immigrants know about this reality. There is no pleasure in the thought that despite some of the wonderful people I have met here it is my ethical responsibility to warn other women about the reality of the Canadian lack of justice and safety for abused immigrant women.
What I would prefer is that my children and I could all be safely home for Christmas, as we should have been ten years ago. What I would prefer is that I could find someone here who would initiate and ensure the actions required to show that there is some credibility to Canada’s Charter and Bill of Rights and would speak up for all children and women in this situation.
I am desperate to find someone who will bring these unsafe and unjust situations to the government and public’s attention in a way that does not endanger any individual woman or her children, protects their privacy, and creates a safe and accessible pathway for all women to easily and quickly obtain the safety and security she and her children need and deserve.
This province's justice department, politicians, Ombudsman, Children’s Advocate and many others have received letters and extensive documentation from myself, service agencies, women’s advocacy groups and the professionals (doctor, social worker with government funded Domestic Violence Support Group, counsellor, expert on child witnesses to domestic abuse) who the justice department misrepresented, (some of these people even came to meetings I organised with justice department officials). As well the justice department and politicians have received letters from a local service agency who informed the justice department that they were currently working with five other women who had the same experience.
Not only did these experienced and concerned professionals all recommend that I should have sole custody of my children, they all expressed concern for my children’s and my safety. The justice department has known since 1998 that their Family Law Division employee misrepresented this information and instead reported that they all recommended joint custody and made no reference to any of the concerns about our safety. The justice minister received letters from these professionals and copies of these people’s reports expressing their concerns for my children’s and my safety and has never acted on this information.
The justice department fought me with all available resources until I suffered a depressive mental breakdown (from your own personal experience I believe you will understand this). I could no longer care for my children or myself. I begged both the social worker and health nurse who had know me for a while, knew of our circumstances and been involved with my efforts to have the justice department respond appropriately, to help me arrange care for my children and hospitalise me. Instead the social worker contacted the Department of Social Services to advise them that she thought I was a risk to my children. ........................– that was basically the end of our relationship as my abusive former spouse used this opportunity to persuade my young children that I didn’t care for them, didn’t want them, didn’t love them and to prevent any contact between us.
And now years later I still can’t get anyone to deal with this situation. ...... Everyone’s response is that I should just wait and hope that when they are older my children contact me – I am so afraid ... that my children won’t survive until they are older – and even if they do manage to survive themselves we will still all be trapped in a country that rewards male violence against children and women, away from the safety and support of our family in Australia, in a situation where their father is still abusive and controlling their lives and they are still exposed to an extended family and culture who believes in supporting abusive males.
The Executive Director, Policy, Planning and Evaluation, of this province's justice department, approached me at a justice department focus group in 1998, to say, “What happened to you should never have happened to anyone!”. Then they and the justice department fought me with all the resources at their disposal until they managed to create the situation that lead to my mental breakdown.
Not only did the justice department choose to misrepresent information (commit perjury/obstruct the course of justice) to denigrate me but also to denigrate my family in Australia, never mentioning how highly regarded my family is in our local community, or that my father was one of the first people to receive the “Citizen of the Year Award” for his involvement in organisations and committees that contributed to my siblings and my childhood and our community.
I have reason to believe that after I initiated complaints with the Justice Department they found alternative employment for their employee (who misrepresented information about the abuse my children and I experienced) in the provincial Ombudsman’s office. When I approached the Ombudsman for assistance theytold me they couldn’t get involved with a complaint about the justice department – but this is contradicted by information in the Ombudsman’s annual reports available online.
Everyone’s suggested solution to our traumatic experience involves me not speaking my truth about our experience, but “accepting” what has happened, accepting that my children and I are trapped in a foreign country that believes in rewarding male violence, accepting that my children and I will never be safe, accepting that my children and I will never be at home with our family in Australia. If this were happening to someone in their family would they expect them to “accept” the same circumstances? … Or would they expect justice, safety, freedom from fear and freedom from abuse for their family members?
Despite all that I have done to contribute to your country (see attached c.v.) my former spouse and the justice department have colluded to portray me as the problem. Everything I have contributed to your country has been stolen from my country. The Justice Department was committed to an outcome that would enable my former spouse to continue to emotionally and financially abuse me, continue to have me live in fear and continue to control my life. All female immigrants to Canada deserve to know that this could be their reality too!
I have done many things to try and find a solution to our and other children and women’s predicament including reading your book “Shake Hands With the Devil” to try and help me gain insights into leadership and courage in the face of adversity – the following quote resonated with me ….
“But where would I find the means to prod the world into action?” …. “And why were we so feeble, fearful and self-centred in the face of atrocities committed against the innocent?”
This is my “Rwanda”! I know it is not the same numbers of people over the same period of time but in a historical, global and cultural context there are women and children experiencing violence and genocide in the family every day! Everyone knows about it, few people are talking about it and those that have the responsibility and resources to do something are not responding …. more talk …. more reports …. more research …. no action …. unchecked violence and human rights violations ….. the innocent keep suffering!
If this is happening to English speaking, white, Commonwealth citizens like myself then what is the experience of immigrant women of colour, with language challenges, from countries they would feel unsafe to return to? Unsafe in Canada and unsafe to return to their country of origin!
Not only have I been suicidal over this situation but also now ............ and I still can’t get anyone to do anything. Many people have told me that I have done more than anyone else they know of in regards to our situation – and I’m still not able to protect my children or motivate those who could have and should have protected us and all the other children and women in similar circumstances.
I keep connecting with more women who have had similar experiences, more women whose children, forced to have contact with abusive fathers have mental health problems and are suicidal. More immigrant women who experienced abuse from their Canadian spouse and then further abuse from the Canadian justice system.
I know so much, have researched and learnt so much – things I never wanted to know about - ethically I need to find a safe way to use this information to be part of making a difference. Who will work with me so that my children and I can return home to Australia, safely, so that other immigrant children and women can be safe, Canadian children and women can be safe?
Due to the effects of these experiences on my physical and mental wellbeing it is a challenge to articulate our lived experience and the experiences mentioned here are just a small part of the trauma my children and I and I have endured.
To help you understand our situation I can forward you copies of the relevant letters, reports and emails that have been shared with the many people that I believed had the responsibility and privilege to protect all vulnerable children and women.
Any assistance would be greatly appreciated.
Sincerely, "
As I said, I am looking forward to a reply, but have not recieved one as yet.
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