Wednesday, February 04, 2009

A Childs Story - "Emily Feels Left Out"

My Child’s Story - Emily Feels Left Out


Let me tell you about Emily, who is six years old. One night her mother tucked her into bed. When Emily’s Mom went out of the room the same thing happened that had been happening every night. Emily’s Mom and Dad started fighting. It was Emily’s Dad that was hitting Emily’s Mom. Then without one word Emily’s Dad hit Emily’s Mom. Emily ran into her Mom and Dad’s bedroom and said, “You say sorry to Mommy, right now, Daddy”. Emily’s Daddy didn’t know what to say so he just went out of the room. Emily felt sad for her Mom.

Then Emily’s Mom who was crying said “Emily, I am afraid something sad is going to happen. Your Dad and I are going to separate”.

“What does separate mean Mommy?” said Emily

“It means go apart, not live in the same house together any more. Now I think it is time for you to go back to bed.”

“Good night Mom.”

Emily was surprised that her Mom and Dad wouldn’t live together anymore. Emily was glad her Dad wouldn’t get to hurt her Mom anymore. The next morning Emily questioned her Mom again. Emily said, “Where will we live? Will I still have all my toys?”

“We will live in Duckvillage and you will still have all your toys. Now, quick dear, you don’t want to be late for the bus.”

Emily was feeling sad that her Mom and Dad were going to separate. At recess Emily told all her friends. At school time she told her teacher. After school Emily said, “Where is Duckvillage?” Emily pretended she had forgotten where Duckvillage was because she was frightened and concerned about moving.”

“You know where it is, don’t you Honey” said Emily’s Mom. “It’s where your school is.”

“When will we be moving?” asked Emily.

“We will be leaving in a week. Now it is time for you to go to bed.”

Her Mom and Dad started fighting. This time Emily’s Mom said “We are going out of this house right now!” She took Emily out to their family car and drove until she could drive no more. Then she went to sleep. In the morning they went back to the house and Emily went to school.

At recess all of Emily’s friends came running to say, “You did something wrong! You did something wrong!” Emily began to cry. Emily felt left out. On Emily’s bus nobody wanted to sit next to her.

In the morning Emily told her Mom that she thought that it wasn’t fair that she was the only one in her class that had their Mom and Dad apart. Her Mom agreed.

The next day Emily’s Mom asked if she had any more questions. Emily asked if she did anything wrong.

“No, you did not do anything wrong. I love you just the same way you are. It is time to go to bed.” Then Emily asked her Mom if anybody was going to help them move.

“Yes, Amanda’s family is going to help us move.”

After breakfast the next day Amanda’s family came to help move. At Emily’s house Amanda said, “I’m sorry that I said you did something wrong. Know what? My Mom and Dad are fighting too. My Mom told me that we are going to move.”

“Where are you going to move to?”

“We are going to Duckvillage,” said Amanda.

“What street are you going to live on?” asked Emily

“We are going to live on Dinosaur Street,” said Amanda.

“That’s the same street I’m going to live on”, said Emily excitedly.

“Great!” squealed Amanda and Emily.

“Well then lets get moving,” said Amanda.

 1996 Written by my eldest child for a writing competition when they were in second class and published with other selected entries in the Teachers of English Language Arts publication.

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When my child wrote this story for a writing competition they wanted to enter I was amazed and heart-broken for them at the things they remembered and was able to articulate. When tehy had first shown interest in this competition and repeatedly asked me what they should write about I had unthinkingly tried to encourage them to bring the best of their self and their writing skills to this creative project by saying “Sometimes we write the best stories when we write about something we know about” (having twice travelled to Australia they had previously written a delightful story about a homesick kangaroo who was living overseas and when the kangaroo came home all the kangaroos and koalas came out to welcome them home, they had included details about luggage belts, plane food etc).

I had hoped my children were young enough that they might not have noticed or remembered some of the things that had precipitated the children’s and my move.

This sensitive and intelligent child was able to imagine and articulate what would have made a difference for them – a friend who understood them because their family was in the same situation. It was a long time before they were to benefit from such friendships, developed in a support group for children who had witnessed domestic violence.

Until then, my children and I had to survive a very conservative, rural community where there was limited compassion or acceptance for a foreigner who left one of their own well known family’s sons.

This story was used by counsellor’s to help other children and in a provincially funded educational audio-visual production regarding leaving situations of domestic violence – “How Then Shall We Live: A Process for Developing a Plan to Escape Abusive Relationships” (partly funded by the Justice Department) but the Justice Department employee who was appointed to conduct court a Custody and Access Assessment with specific instructions to investigate any evidence of domestic violence did not mention this or their attendance at the Child Witnesses to Domestic Violence Support group and refused to speak with the counsellor who operated that group. Instead he implied I had written the story.

For reasons no one has been able to explain to me, my children's rights to "judicial fairness" and government protection, advocacy and intervention have not been publicly defended by any of those who so publicly and avidly demanded government response and responsibility for David Hicks.



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Take care ... take heart ... Merinda

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